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Continued: A farewell to Newt

  • Article by: FRANK BRUNI , New York Times
  • Last update: March 27, 2012 - 11:28 AM

Newt is one of the few surviving peacocks, especially if you discount Ron Paul, who's less peacock than emaciated ostrich — never airborne, head in the sand — and so consistently discounted that no one even bothers to implore him to fold his tent. No one can remember that he pitched one.

It's time to forget Newt as well. His delegate count is closer to Paul's than to Rick Santorum's. His strategy — a generous noun — hinges on a replay of the 1920 Republican convention, which picked Warren G. Harding on the 10th ballot.

The 10th ballot? That'd really send the Republican nominee into the general election with a head of steam. I can see the bumper stickers now. Newt: Battle ready. Ballot hardened.

Great politicians are memorialized with holidays, monuments, libraries. For Newt I think an ice cream flavor is in order, something in the clogged vein of Chubby Hubby or Chunky Monkey, although not so physique-focused. Nutty Professor is too obvious a suggestion, though it opens the door to pralines, aptly Southern.

Maybe Peaches 'n' Scream? That would honor the state he comes from while acknowledging the state he's been in — unsubtle, overwrought. Not qualifying for the Virginia primary was a blow akin to Pearl Harbor. The Palestinians are "an invented" people.

Newt is empty calories. A pointless pint of them.

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