opinion

OK, here's what I don't get: Sex tapes. As in the alleged recordings of John Edwards in action.

Why is it that so many people in positions of power will so readily consent to being filmed in a compromising position -- or several positions -- which inevitably leads to complete loss of power?

If you are a pasty, middle-aged politician, how does a low-quality videotape of your sweaty backside in action make the world a better place? How does this make you a man of the people? I mean, find me one normal middle-aged American who can stand to see a photo of him or herself in a bathing suit.

It does take a uniquely resilient ego to weather a campaign. If you're cheating on a cancer-stricken wife while running for president, chances are you're not doing the kind of self-reflection that leads to insightful decisions about photo documentation of your sexcapades.

But it's not only politicians or celebrities getting caught in this situation. Maybe you're just an average citizen. Maybe you're just drunk, and it's Mardi Gras, and there's a "Girls Gone Wild" film crew in the vicinity. What to do?

I offer these simple guidelines:

1If you are naked, and somebody wants footage of that, and you don't have an agent or a six-figure contract, and it's not a union shoot with Oscar buzz -- don't do it.

2If you are naked, and somebody wants photos, and it's not your plastic surgeon, and you don't have arrows in magic marker to show where the scalpel will go -- don't do it.

3If you are naked, and somebody wants to capture the moment with a cell phone, and it's not the father of the child you are in the process of giving birth to -- don't do it.

And even then, really, think twice.

When I was a kid, I remember visiting my aunt and flipping through a photo album sitting out on a coffee table and being traumatized by pictures of my cousin being born. Yeah, yeah, it's a miracle -- whatever. I'm a mom now. I've been there. It's pretty gross. I don't need visual proof that this kid made it to the other side.

In fact, there is very little for which we need visual proof. Why are we so camera-happy? If you can't remember it on your own, it probably wasn't that great.

Lily Coyle is a writer in Minneapolis.