Doctors thought a 47-year-old postal worker in England who complained of a persistent cough might have cancer, as he was a long-term smoker whose X-rays showed a spot on his lung. But when they removed the mass, the BBC reported, they found a “long-lost Playmobil traffic cone” the patient had received as a gift on his seventh birthday. He told doctors he had regularly swallowed the small pieces as a child and believed he had inhaled the tiny cone. Happy ending: After the toy was removed, the man’s symptoms improved.

Man on a mission

Bryant Johnson of Casper, Wyo., was on a mission on Oct. 2 when police responded to a call about a man warning citizens of an alien invasion coming next year. KTWO Radio in Casper reported that Johnson told police he had traveled back in time from 2048, explaining that the aliens filled his body with alcohol and had him stand on a giant pad that transported him back to 2017 — although he was supposed to arrive in 2018. He also asked to speak with the “president of the town.” Instead, Bryant was arrested for public intoxication.

Donkey gone wild

The owners of a mischievous ass in Vogelsberg, Hesse, Germany, have been ordered to pay for damages after Vitus the donkey apparently mistook an orange McLaren Spider sports car for a carrot. When Markus Zahn left his $411,000 car parked next to a paddock, he returned to find that Vitus had nibbled on its paint to the tune of almost $7,000 in damage. “The donkey had insurance, but the insurance didn’t want to pay,” Zahn told the BBC.

Oops!

On Sept. 24, a soccer match between Bistrita Brosteni and Vanatorul Dorna Candrenilor in Romania was abandoned just 58 minutes in after all the teams’ balls ended up in the nearby Bistrita River, according to the Hindustan Times. Bistrita was winning 2-0 when they ran out of balls. Fans suggested they might find the balls at a nearby dam.

Moving violation

Patrick Joseph Adams Jr., 36, of Great Falls, Mont., pulled the ultimate heist in July when he convinced two male friends and his girlfriend to help him “move out” of a house that wasn’t his. One of the friends was suspicious when he saw a wall in the home dedicated to military service, but didn’t remember that Adams had been in the service, the Great Falls Tribune reported. That friend left before the move was complete, but the rest of the group loaded about $40,000 worth of belongings into a U-Haul, requiring two trips. Later that evening, the owner of the house called police and reported the theft, and through U-Haul records police were able to track Adams down. He was charged with burglary on Sept. 28.

Ironies

Samantha Faye Toope, 20, and Kelsie Laine Marie Mast, 23, inmates of the Edmonton, Alberta, Institution for Women, must have been pumped up about their escape from the prison on Oct. 2, so they headed to a downtown “escape room” — a problem-solving game room where players are given limited time to find their way out. SideQuests Adventures owner Rebecca Liaw told Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News that the women arrived at the business on Oct. 3 and inquired about the game. As Liaw explained how it works, police arrived and handcuffed the cons, both of whom police described as violent offenders.

News of the Weird is compiled by the editors at Andrews McMeel Syndication. Send your weird news items to WeirdNewsTips@amuniversal.com.