Finding forgiveness through their pain

On a single night in August 2008, Jamie Baer's parents gained a granddaughter they didn't know was coming and lost a spunky, bubbly 22-year-old daughter who ended every conversation with her mom by saying, "Love ya."

Now her family hopes her tragic death and her surviving daughter, Angel, serve as a warning, especially to younger people who believe they are invincible and drink and then drive or get into cars with drunken drivers.

As Hennepin County District Judge Mel Dickstein said Friday in a courtroom full of tearful family and friends: "Jamie and Angel Baer unfortunately put a face on the devastation caused by drunk driving."

And after watching the sentencing of Frank Tregoning, 22, to prison, Jamie Baer's family put a face on forgiveness, expressing compassion for the man responsible for their daughter's death, even as they related that he's caused them unimaginable pain.

Dickstein sentenced Tregoning to the longest sentence he could -- just under seven years in prison -- for being drunk, high, aggressive and reckless as he drove the car in which Baer rode that night. He was going more than 100 mph on Hwy. 101 in Rogers when his sports car crashed.

Doctors attending to the mortally injured woman discovered she was pregnant and performed an emergency delivery of her premature baby. The new mother, of Crystal, died weeks later.

Dickstein said Baer's "fear and her horror is palpable" in the text messages she sent moments before the crash: "I'm going 160 w a drunk drive m going to die."

During the 90-minute hearing, Baer's loved ones talked of a cosmetologist who aspired to manage a salon. Some carried pictures of the petite blonde with the short, chunky hair and warm smile. Many of the women wore pink -- her favorite color.

They cried as they spoke of the loss and of the pain they felt in hearing no remorse or apology from Tregoning.

They finally got one Friday, when it came time for Tregoning to speak. Wearing an orange jail outfit, his hair closely shaved, he cried as he tried to express his thoughts, which he'd written on a worn piece of legal paper.

"I know nothing I say or do or accomplish is going to make Jamie's family or friends look at me any better," he said. But he told everyone he meant no harm to Baer or to Kelsey Palmer, who also was in the car and survived. "The guilt I feel," he said, "is going to be with me the rest of my life."

He said he hoped that some day he can help someone avoid a similar tragedy.

"I am very truly sorry," he said.

His lawyer, Craig Cascarano, said that legally Tregoning wasn't allowed to apologize to the family, but that he has expressed remorse all along.

Tregoning, of Otsego, must serve slightly more than four year before he can be eligible for release.

Baer's mother and stepfather, Kari and Todd Palashewski, and her older sister, Jessica Baer, painfully told of how the family has struggled to hold it together emotionally and financially.

The couple went from being 40-something empty-nesters to spending sleepless nights caring for a granddaughter whose development may be curbed because she suffered asphyxia in utero. She was translucent, the size of an adult hand when delivered. She has a host of physical difficulties, her grandparents said.

They didn't know before the accident that Jamie was pregnant, and the child's father remains a mystery.

"Our family has been so overwhelmed this year that no one can think straight," said Jessica Baer, 26. Angel, with a cherubic face and wispy blonde hair, is a constant reminder of the tragedy. "It will always be a bittersweet day when we celebrate her birthday," Jessica Baer said.

Kari Palashewski told of having to identify her daughter by her bellybutton ring because her face was crushed and her head shattered. Her neck was broken and she had a stroke. She needed a ventilator to breath.

Tregoning's blood-alcohol content soon after the crash was 0.1 percent, above the legal limit of 0.08 percent. Tests also detected morphine and THC, the psychoactive ingredient in marijuana.

Despite that, after the hearing Kari Palashewski expressed compassion for Tregoning, saying, "I told the prosecutor that I accepted his apology and I wanted to give him a hug."

Palashewski said Jamie would have wanted her to do so, although it didn't happen because courthouse rules don't allow physical contact with jail inmates. Todd Palashewski added, "Everyone makes mistakes."

Dickstein, during the sentencing, told the courtroom: "Until we have a culture change in Minnesota as regards to driving under the influence, nothing will substantially change."

Rochelle Olson • 612-673-1747