Lucky us: our house has been approved for Phase 2 of the organics recycling program. If I sign up now I'll get a green bin next spring to go with the black bin and the blue bin. It's like Momma Bin and Poppa Bin had a child, albeit one filled with decaying fruit.

This means some changes around the house — like another trash can under the sink. Right now there is no room, because my wife is well prepared for the day someone rings the bell and says "There's been a horrible accident down the road. Do you have 14 wooden cutting boards?" So the trash bin will be replaced by two smaller bins. Fine.

But the pamphlet says I should put little bins everywhere. It says: Place compostable bags in the bedroom.

Really? The bedroom? Do Minneapolitans find themselves settling in for the night, and pick up a book and realize "I am holding a handful of coffee grounds. If only there was a compost bin nearby." One of the compostable items is Cotton Swabs, aka those things you're not supposed to put in your ears but everyone does because the alternative is using a blow dryer to melt ear wax and tip your head so it drips into a (compostable) cup. That's for the bathroom bin, which is different from the bedroom bin.

At the moment, organic stuff that isn't dog hair goes into the Omnivorous Growling Demon in the sink, aka the disposal. That's OK for now, but like toilets and shower-heads, you suspect there will be regulations intended to reduce water consumption. You'll still be able to purée things, but you will have to drain the mush, spread it outside on boards to firm up a bit, then send it to the mush-fired power generator, thus helping the city attain its goal of getting 0.5% of its power from GSVs, or Gross Slimy Vegetables, by 2050.

I hope the program is worth it and bestows the same feeling of effortless virtue as recycling. Wonder if the lid of the bin will have a warning like the recycle bin, stating criminal penalties for stealing the contents.

Somehow I doubt it.