This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.
It’s not funny to be on a plane that blows a tire, so don’t get me wrong. I’m not making light of this. Except -
Well, six tires is something else. When you blow six tires there are three possibilities:
1. The brakes were overheating, which led to a condition mechanics call “angry tire”
2. The airport may need to rethink hiring out the runway for the annual parade held by the Tack and Nail Strewers Local 247, no matter how much they promise to clean up better next time
3. Most likely reason: the plane was on the lam, and they put out the stop sticks.
Congrats to the pilots for landing safely. We’ve all come along the aftermath of a semi that blew a tire, and steeled ourselves for carnage down the road - you see the shredded black treads looking like some huge insect had burst its cocoon, and sometimes the skid marks. But then: nothing. No semi in the ditch, no series of snapped-off utility poles leading to a smoking hole in a barn. It’s as if great protective pterodactyls swept in and plucked up the semi before it crashed.
Okay, well, you come up with a better explanation.
I haven’t blown a tire in years, but I am prepared: I have an emergency pack that consists of one can of pressurized goo - to use the technical term - and a tire inflator I can attach to the cigarette lighter. Which reminds me: Cars come with cigarette lighter holes, but not with cigarette lighters. So you either buy a lot of devices that charge your phone or iPod using a cigarette-lighter plug, or you but a converter that lets you plug normal prongs into the lighter. Why not just put a regular outlet in a car? Has anyone ever thought of that?
But we’re off topic. (As if I care.) Back to the story: Naturally, the comments thread on the matter descended into a political flame war, because some people are insane. Or they like to poke people. They go to be thinking ho ho, my gross oversimplification of the issues and tangential relationship to the topic at hand certainly infuriated my foes, and emboldened my compatriots. Tomorrow I’m going to the grocery store and open up some yogurt containers just a little, so they’ll spoil.
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