This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.

Posts about Holidays

Column update: success!

Posted by: James Lileks Updated: December 25, 2009 - 12:46 PM

The backstory is here

The perfume was not purchased from a department store counter, but discovered at a vendor of fine French aromas. There were two varieties that intrigued my jaded nostrils - one had a hint of cedar, and the other something that looked like “laudanum,” the famous 19th century soporific, but was actually "Labdanum." The cedar-tinted fragrance was “unisex,” the clerk said, and he didn’t mean it was popular with eunuchs. So I bought both, thinking I’d wear the fir-based one if she didn’t like it.

Same deal with the lingerie! Just kidding. Actually, the story takes a cruel twist here: the box on the shelf next to the item I wanted was wrapped was improperly wrapped, so I didn’t get the right perfume. But my wife liked it.

I didn’t. But still: success all around, because either the rest of the family forgot they’d asked for a particular thing, or didn’t think I’d get it. Child was also thrilled with her gifts - books and software, a fine cry from the 1000-piece pink plastic palaces that comprised a tothood Christmas. I was right: every gift was perfect. Except for the 2 TB hard drive I got my wife; turns out she wanted a sweater. But it will store high-def movies of the sweaters you already own! No good. Women. Who can figure them out?

Creepy Sci-Fi Four-Armed Santas

Posted by: James Lileks Updated: December 24, 2009 - 11:09 AM

 I had planned to put up a collection of Four-Armed Santas today, but this fellow did it already.   I got the illustrations from the Old Time Radio archive of “X Minus One,” and thought they’d be apt Xmas fodder. 

This one has more to do with Future Space Christmas than Santa:

Even More Retro Santas

Posted by: James Lileks Updated: December 23, 2009 - 1:25 PM

"MY METHOD WILL PLEASE YOU." Sounds like a pick-up line at the Jet Propulsion Lab. Yes, Max A. Kohen - last seen in this space in a post about his fine downtown stores and his English-Channel-Swimming customers, is back, laughing his head off as usual. Look at the bargains! Also, look at the Santa: looks about three feet tall. 

More likely it's one of the Helpers who has a profitable sideline hiring himself out as Santa's Mini-Me for promotional opportunities. 

More Retro Santas

Posted by: James Lileks Updated: December 23, 2009 - 10:53 AM

 Enjoy some of Santa's favorites, Manuel Cigars. Much better than the Automatic ones:



Note the slogan: "They're Good." Another brilliant slogan from the crafty, devilishly persuasive advertising industry! I believe the fellow who wrote that slogan defected from the agency who wrote yesterday's bacon slogan, "It Tastes So Good." Later he would create "Mm-mm Good" for Campbells,  but that was still years away. 

Retro Santas: Bacon Edition

Posted by: James Lileks Updated: December 22, 2009 - 12:03 PM

 This 1925 ad shows a fairly ordinary Santa offering the gift of smoked, delicious nitrite-sodden pig-strips:



The microfiche is ancient, so let me help you with their slogan: "The Taste Is So Good." The ad agency must have labored for WEEKS on that one. "You should see them enclosed in their handsome, gaily-colored Christmas wrappers. What a gift for some pork-loving friend!" Indeed.

Haven't seen Santa pushing bacon lately, but if anyone wants to revisit the ad campaign, he's available. 

PS - this is why we love the internet. You need a picture that has Santa dressed up as Bacon, or vice versa, and IT EXISTS. You'd be stunned if it didn't.


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