This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.
Our former governor will have a new TV show about . . . Conspiracies. Says the press release:
"Jesse Ventura, a man who has lived a dangerous life, is about to explore mysteries behind the most compelling modern-day conspiracy theories ... Ventura will hunt down answers, plunging viewers into a world of secret meetings, midnight surveillance, shifty characters and dark forces."
Oh, good. Midnight surveillance! No one conspires during the day, you know. Stroke of twelve, the lights go out, the hoods come on, and dark plots are hatched. It’ll take nothing more than a burly guy the size of an industrial fridge standing outside the window with his ear pressed to the glass to crack the mystery of the Illuminati.
Expect shows like these:
Who put the bomp in the bomp de bomp de bomp? MASONS, say many, although many insist that’s a diversion from revealing the Scottish Rite chapter’s role in putting the ram in the ramalama ding dong
Did we really land on the Moon? Jesse points to new evidence suggesting that we actually did
Who shot JFK? Watch as Jesse goes up against expert Vince Bugliosi, who demolishes his conspiracy theories with a relentless torrent of facts (This one will only be available on the DVD, which has a regional coding for Africa, but trust him, Jesse totally smokes Bugliosi)
What happened to Atlantis? Guest star: Donovan
Exactly which branch of the government was responsible for 9/11?
What did Gilligan know, and why did the government keep them from getting off the island?
How, exactly, did the Mossad manage to kill Napoleon?
Was there a conspiracy to keep the assassination of President Garfield from looking like a conspiracy?
Chem trails: harmless vapor from ordinary aircraft, or a mind-control program designed to make people look irrelevant and stupid by forcing them to act paranoid about chem trails?
Who was responsible for killing his last talk show?
Any others you’d like to see him tackle?
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