local
This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.
resize text 
follow on Twitter
subscribe via RSS
Posts about Gripes
Let's clone some French Kings
Posted by: James Lileks Updated: January 2, 2013 - 12:31 PM
“Dried squash holds headless French king's blood.” Best headline of the day. To be specific:
Two centuries after the French people beheaded Louis XVI and dipped their handkerchiefs in his blood, scientists believe they have authenticated the remains of one such rag kept as a revolutionary souvenir.Researchers have been trying for years to verify a claim imprinted on an ornately decorated calabash that it contains a sample of the blood of the French king guillotined in Paris on January 21, 1793.
The dried, hollowed squash is adorned with portraits of revolutionary heroes and the text: "On January 21, Maximilien Bourdaloue dipped his handkerchief in the blood of Louis XVI after his decapitation".
He is then believed to have placed the fabric in the gourd, and had it embellished.
They compared the DNA with a mummified head - another unfortunate royal. If it’s a match, let’s get all Jurassic Park on the stuff and grow some French monarchs, have them wander around Paris in tights, peering at the modern word through lorgnettes.
Speaking of Jurassic Park: some programmers made a Jurassic Park mod for Half-Life 2. Holy Crow:
In related dinosaur news: a look at Pixar’s upcoming movies, including “The Good Dinosaur” and one that reminds me of Grim Fandango. I loved that game. Got stuck. Never went back. This was before Internet walk-throughs, so if you couldn't figure out the proper sequence you were out of luck. Still remember carrying a canoe in a water-logged tunnel in "The Leather Goddesses of Phobos," and you had to type something in a particular order - jump, clap, say "kweepa," clap clap kweepa, or words to that effect. Gave up. Now it would be a matter of cutting and pasting.
SHOPPING The question on nobody's lips right now: What’s going on in Target’s seasonal area? The International Bazaar is out; I think they’re doing that Costco-with-better-graphics thing now, with toilet paper sold in 48-roll bales. Months away from the first signs of spring, the appearance of Gardening Items - which will be of no use to anyone for ten weeks. Like I said: Target exists two months into the future.
Anyway, Bloomberg Businessweek haa a slideshow called “How to Shop Target Like a Pro.” Two small problems: 1) there aren’t any professional Target shoppers. We are all amateurs. No international body ranks the contestants. 2) The article contains almost no tips. It’s just facts that have nothing to do with shopping there like a pro.
An excerpt from the children's-book-type slides:
This has never happened to me. I’m not saying it doesn’t, but I’ve never gotten an e-mail BLAST, let alone one that’s relevant to my interests. Since I’m not pregnant or engaged, there’s just not a lot for them to BLAST about. The article also mentions the lighting of the shelves, but doesn’t mention how it turns itself on and off when there are fewer customers around. Have you noticed? The frozen aisle is dark until you walk in, and then the lights magically appear. The mansions of Oil Sheiks must be like that.
This slide is useful, though. A list of what’s on sale on particular days.
TECH Spot the odd word in this news story:
Photography giant Polaroid plans to open at least ten new retail stores this year focused on getting people to print and edit the photos saved on their smartphone, or uploaded to social networks such as Facebook, Instagram and Picasa.
That’s right. Giant? Once upon a time, perhaps, but they were humbled long ago. This recent book, "Instant," has an account of its rise and fall, and it’s a brisk, fascinating corporate history and an art-history lesson. I love accounts of industrial hubris and decline; there’s always a point where the company is huge, rich, fat, and expected to dominate its market for decades to come. That’s when they build a huge new headquarters or spend billions on some wild-eyed fantastic project, or both - and then the sludge of the corporation’s culture silts up every hall and office, and the rot begins.
Gosh, sounds like Apple,the smart-alecks say. Perhaps. Nothing’s permanent. They have to innovate to stay alive, and I see no signs they won’t. Jobs was a great marketer and a clever seer, but he was hardly infallible. Would he have approved of the Apple iWatch? Was he involved? Does it exist? no idea. But I’m not sure how it will replace the smart phone, since I don’t want to talk to my wrist like Dick Tracy, or wear a headset all the time, or use apps on a dinky screen. Favorite line from the article linked: “If an iWatch is real, it won't come out until 2014 or later, says Munster.” No idea if the project is underway in any form, but you won’y see it for at least 12 months.
No idea if it will look like this, but experts say it might, unless it doesn't:
I like the idea of a FaceTime watch, but unless I hold it up level with my face I get that low shot from sternum level, which is hardly flattering. Also, I'm starting to wonder about that icon. It's supposed to be an old movie camera, right? But the lens is on the side. PROOF STEVE JOBS WOULD BE HORRIFIED BY APPLE TODAY!
He probably approved it himself.
The Mary Tyler Moore font
Posted by: James Lileks Updated: December 31, 2012 - 12:29 PMNo lists! Okay, one list. It’s the law. But first:
MOVIES The lowest grossing film of 2012 was “Playback,” with Christian Slater. It made $265. Sometimes these “releases” are just technicalities, done for legal reasons. The story notes that the lowest-grossing wide release is the “Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure,” which opened in over 2,000 theaters and took in about $448,000. Never has a creative vision been so roundly rejected, and for good reason; that thing made the Teletubbies look like a Lars Von Trier film.
It’s also a reminder about the power of advertising: marketing costs were $40 million. Didn’t do a thing.
HISTORY In 1966 Henry Ford II commissioned a redesign of the classic Ford logo. The man who’d done UPS, IBM, Bell and others came up with this - which Ford rejected. I think I know why: it’s the R.
The more they looked at it the more it bothered them.The more I look at it, it looks like a little man is pulling “Fo” behind him. Full story is here.
LIST Here’s a list of Most Hated Fonts. Are these the most hated fonts of 2012? No. Can’t find a list of hated fonts for the last year; it takes years for the hate to build up. People can be interested in Lobster at the start of the year, tired of it six months later, disappointed with sites that use it three months later. True hate builds up. There’s Peignot, aka the Mary Tyler Moore font. Agreed.
One of the designers says Brush Script is worse than Comic Sans; men have dueled with pistols at high noon over less serious charges.
Brush Script was originally designed by Robert E. Smith, and released into the wild by American Type Founders in 1942.
Released into the jungle? you ask. No, “in the wild” was a term for the general world, and made the list of “Most Hated Internet Writing Cliches” back in 2007.We continue:
. In his book “Just My Type,” author Simon Garfield mentions that “if you were ever persuaded by government posters to bathe with a friend or dig for victory, then the persuading was probably done in Brush Script.” I cannot fathom why the public as a whole would be subjected to such a font, especially when compared to the much more clean-cut and graphically appealing nature of Gil Sans (from “Keep Calm and Carry On” fame).
Perhaps he could fathom why the public as a half- or quarter-whole could be subjected to it. In case you need to be reminded:
Perhaps he could do quick google search and look at the many propaganda posters online, few of which seem to use Brush Script. And by “few” I mean “None as far as I can tell.” Big blunt sans-serifs abound. But perhaps Simon was exaggerating for the sake of having some fun. Hah! Dig for victory. Right.
Maybe not. Here’s where I begin to wonder about this typographic expert, Mr. Garfield:
While Brush Script is supposed to be a “quaint and consistent type that looked as if it was written by a fluid, carefree human,” Garfield points out that “no one you had ever met actually wrote like that.”
You could say the same thing about virtually every piece of handwritten typography in advertising. The author goes on to note that Brush Script has spawned other script fonts.
People aren’t fooled – there’s not a string quartet sitting in your living room, waiting to play a merry little entrance march to announce the arrival of a dinner guest. And Brush Script isn’t the work of a caring sign-painter or concerned matron giving you a kind-but-necessary reminder in the form of a handwritten little note.
It’s probably sufficient to say the font was over-used, since it came pre-loaded on so many machines, and should be avoided. I think that sums it up and no one’s embarrassed.
Then it’s three knock-out blows. I can agree with the last three choices entirely. But here’s the conclusion:
There are hundreds of thousands of fonts and typefaces to choose from, each with their own characteristics and personalities. But, that doesn’t mean you can use them all. If there is one little nugget of advice we can give on choosing the perfect font to support your message – imagine the font as a great actor and ask yourself, “Is it James Cagney or Jimmy Stewart, or is it Richard Little doing James Cagney or Jimmy Stewart?” Avoid the font that’s trying to be something it’s not, and go for the classics.
Mistral, one of the hated fonts, hails from the 80s. Peignot is from the 70s. The most hated of all, Hobo, can be found in 1920s magazines.
In other words, classics.
MEDIA Came across this review of Young Frankenstein, one of my favorite movies. The site’s nicely designed, has upscale ads, and a thriving forum with over a quarter-million posts in the “General horror” forum alone.
As for specific horror, here’s what popped up in my Zite feed today. I assume people are paid for this.
From the opening black and white sequence in Young Frankenstein, that conveys a strongly ominous and foreboding atmosphere I believe what is immediately clear is the respect that Mel Brooks and his cinematographer Gerald Hirschfeld has for the original 1930 films.
I mention this in case your New Years Resolutions include “reading as many high-school English assignments as possible. Really, it’s all like that: stating the obvious in a tone that mistakes “wordy” for “insightful,”
Crucially the contrasting black and white cinematographic style allows the audience to appreciate the originals strong influences of german expressionist cinema. What also so effectively conveys the original are the suitably impressive and detailed sets which helps to continue this aesthetic throughout the film’s running time.A distinct and strong sense of atmosphere is also achieved so well through the suitably grand and fine musical score by John Morris. From these various elements we can only assume that that the production crew oversaw extensive research on the original James Whale films.
Yeah, one might assume that. Otherwise the similarities between the Whale films and Brook’s version might be absolutely coincidental.
Love to see what he writes about Oogieloves, though. Happy New Year!
Another World's Tallest Building
Posted by: James Lileks Updated: December 27, 2012 - 12:56 PMToday’s appliance term you never knew until it breaks: Actuator. I’ll explain later.
#HASHTAG The worst social-media “fails” of the year. We used to have another word for these things - mistakes, failures - but “Fail” is apparently sufficient these days. Even though it sounds so 2010. Somehow I missed this one, which came out in the aftermath of the Aurora movie-theater shooting:
Yikes.
GEEK Shocker! Peter Parker is dead! But his consciousness survives in the mind of Dr. Octopus, who will now be Spider-Man.
That’ll last. Can’t see them coming back with Spider-Man in accustomed Parker form. I mean, he’s dead! They can’t do anything about that! I give it a year before someone grows Peter from some DNA they find on a comb, or they restart everything by going back to the origin story and starting again. That’ll be interesting. If there’s anything people are eager to see retold, it’s Spider-Man’s origin story - which, in the original, I believe, consisted of two panels. Or three? Checking . . . .
Yes, that’s about it. In related news: Jack Kirby is still regarded as one of the greatest comic artists, so it’s a bit odd to find out he did the comic version of Disney’s sci-fi misfire, “The Black Hole.” Regardez! (It’s in French.)
ARCHITECTURE Here’s a new museum in San Francisco, named as “one of the buildings to watch in 2013.” It’s an interesting thing that appears to be pre-collapsed for your convenience:
That will be a nice view for the hundred or so people who see it. Most people will see it from the street, where the building gives everyone a blank wall punctuated with a few windows.
The underwhelming One World Trade Center is another building to watch, although I’ve no idea why; is it scheduled to do something interesting, like shed its skin and reveal a beautiful structure that’s been hiding all along?
And then there’s Sky City. It will be the tallest building in the world. Built in China.
It will be constructed in three months.
Two hundred and twenty stories.
It has the massing of traditional 30s skyscrapers with none of the grace. Also, it’s a conceptual failure, says Christian Sottile, SCAD Dean of the School of Building Arts:
if you look at the outcome of this endeavor urbanistically, it is at best a folly, and at worst, madness. The proposition that a city can be contained within one building is unnatural and devastating to the human spirit. This project would, however, not be the first to propose such an end. It follows a long tradition of audacious architecture attempting to rethink the city. But in the end, the city always wins. I am speaking of the evolved city of over 7,000 years of transcultural human history — cities that honor the human being, as well as the art, craft, culture and resources of places.
Other than that, it’s a home run. If I lived on top of a 220-story building, I wouldn’t exactly be reassured that its builders were trying set a world record for fast construction.
As for other new structures that try to push the boundaries of architecture, tell me this doesn’t look like it will disgorge a billion bees some day.
This one just looks embarrassed for itself.
THE ACTUATOR EXPLANATION It’s the thing that makes the ice come out of the front of a refrigerator. The one I had was made of plastic - wise choice, Electrolux, for something people shove six or seven times a day with a hard object! Because the electrician had to disconnect the power, and because he wanted to cut the power at the fuse box, and because he didn’t know which fuse was the right one, he cut power to my home office, and when the computer came back on the fans were blowing in full panic mode, and haven’t stopped. All because of a cheap piece of plastic.
Well, as the philosophers say, everything is connected.
USB Toast. About time.
Posted by: James Lileks Updated: December 26, 2012 - 12:26 PMFeeling punky today - the usual post-Christmas let-down coupled with an adverse reaction to an excess of desserts plus a lack of sleep. Hope your day is much better. Not much on the web today - we’re getting to that point in the year where everyone’s busy writing Ten Best lists for the weekend. Anyway:
MEDIA What was Newsweek like in its glory days? Full of drunks, apparently. You’d turn in your copy, it would be edited and laid out, then a senior editor would come back from a three-martooni lunch and tear it all up. But it was great because there was lots of money and no one ever questioned your expense account.
Goldman: Way, way back in the day, Newsweek commissioned the Maysles Brothers, who were famous documentary filmmakers, to do a promotional film for the magazine. They hung out with cameras around the offices, followed the whole editorial process. Toward the end of the film there was a scene of the Wallenda dinner, and the Wallies were just hammered. And they still used the film to promote the magazine. I was astonished.Thomas: Eventually they moved the dinners indoors, up to Top of the Week [the Newsweek dining room], as a way of keeping everybody from getting drunk and disappearing into the night.
Hackett: It was also much cheaper.
Goldman: Russ Chapell was a Nation writer when I arrived in ‘62, not long pre-Graham. He was the best newsmagazine writer I think I’ve ever known. He told me something early in my career. “This is a great job,” he said. “You can do it drunk.” And a lot of Newsweek people did.
It’s a look at the lost culture of the “Mad Men” era, and your liver hurts just reading about it. Reminds me of my first few months working in DC, before Deborah Howell shook up the newsroom culture; some reporters would go to lunch, come back hammered, and type a few words before giving up for the rest of the day.
TECH Heaven forfend a moment goes uninterrupted by the sudden intrusion of a text: here’s a watch that relays your iPhone alerts.
After only a few days of use, it quickly became clear that a smart watch would change how we use our smartphones. Almost immediately, the annoying habit of needing to incessantly pull the phone out of your pocket faded away. Granted, that ritual found itself instead replaced by looking at the watch.
Granted. If it brings back watches, that’s not bad thing. Right now when I take out my phone to check the time, I feel like it’s the 19th century, and I’m pulling out a timepiece on gold chain.
The next step will be a smart earpiece that talks to your smart watch, which talks to your smart phone.
Then there’s this: you may have read the dire stories about Snapchat, which supposedly encourages sexting because its pictures self-destruct quickly. TechCrunch looked at the stories and the authors and the facts, and wrote:
There are two conclusions we can make. The first is that the same folks who serve you a round of tech news with your morning coffee and bagel are also in a Snapchat sexting ring. The second option is that the very same people who have repeatedly assumed that Snapchat is for sexting, and propagated that myth, don’t use Snapchat for sexting at all.
The idea that the self-destructing photo can’t be captured just means that some people will try very hard to work around it. This may bring back cameras, which have seen their popularity wither due to smart phones. In a year, then, the really hip people will have watches and cameras in addition to their smartphones. This will require fanny packs, but don’t worry: at first they will be used ironically in Brooklyn, and then Urban Outfitters will sell them as semi-ironic trend objects. Full-scale re-adaptation will continue nation-wide through 2015.
ART Some interesting “vintage” Radio Times seasonal covers. Another nice find from Brain Pickings, which has an unfortunate tendency to call everything “Stunning.” I mean, these are nice, but I'm not sitting here with my ears ringing, unable for form coherent thoughs.
TOASTY WARM From Smoko, purveyors of cute toast in many forms - really, they make USB sticks and pillows - comes heated typing gloves.
Put that down for next year’s gift list.
MOVIESThe list of rules for hacking movies. This is correct:
Hacking scenes will involve psychedelic user interfaces that look like something out of an early 1990s music video. Remember, hackers never use command lines. That is boring.
True. But the word “psychedelic” isn’t apt. Most movie that involve hacking usually feature some government GUI, which always has a shield and looks Official with lots of bevel-edge buttons. It’s never a standard prompt.
The list omits the cliche of every hacking movie: hacking is accomplished by typing very fast, and the success of the rapid typing is verified when the hacker says “we’re in.” Otherwise it is not a hacking movie.
Alright, I'm done. Time for another glug of Pepto-Bismol. Straight from the bottle.
The Sloooow Internet
Posted by: James Lileks Updated: December 17, 2012 - 12:20 PMWhen it rained this weekend I found myself thinking A) finally, and B) stop it. the rain beat down the snow, and you have the sinking suspicion that last week’s storm was the sole ration we’ll get before Christmas. We need a fresh coat.
The drizzle also slickified (warning: not a word) the sidewalks, so every step was a potential cocyxx-shattering event unless the homeowner has strewn some grit. Which I did. That was my weekend accomplishment. Grit-strewing. Anyway:
MEANWHILE IN PUERTO RICO This . . .
. . . said something controversial about a local publicist who was killed in a dodgy part of town. As the New York Times put it: “The outrage was in part because of fears over a growing crime wave on the island and a reaction to La Comay, a puppet version of the television program “TMZ” with gossipy segments about celebrities, politics and crime.”
I mention this only because the words “a puppet version of ‘TMZ’ ought to give everyone pause. It’s only a matter of time before it happens here.
WEB The internet moves too quickly and people who have to post all the time to juice the traffic burn out. Sometimes they move to Hawaii and start something else. Ah, but how do you get noticed? How do you cut through the blinding blizzard of PR chaff? Have the right friends. From the New York Times:
With friends — including Brian X. Chen, who now works at The New York Times — he came up with his own version of a gadget site. But instead of chasing down every tidbit of tech news, he built The Wirecutter, a recommendation site that posts six to 12 updates a month — not a day — and began publishing in partnership with The Awl, a federation of blogs founded by two other veterans of Gawker Media, Choire Sicha and Alex Balk.
That’ll help.
“Brian’s insight is that in a world of loudest and fastest, he has turned it down, doing it slow and doing it right,” Mr. Sicha said. “And by being consumer facing, he doesn’t have to have monster numbers. The people come ready to buy.”
Wasn’t Choire Sicha the person who used to make fun of people who said things like “consumer facing”? Anyway, Digg’s subhead is “Savoring the Slow Web,” so you know that’s going to be a thing. Slow web. Ahhh. Like slipping into a warm bath after a day in the frothy jacuzzi of work internet, which has pirhanas. We have Slow Food, Slow Reading, all kinds of Slow things that are better - deeper, more spiritual somehow - for being Slow.
In case you’re curious, here’s one of those pages that makes one (1) recommendation. It makes about 30. There’s also a gift guide, with this humble apology on the site’s front page:
Sorry this is late. I sat around playing video games for a week instead of doing this gift guide. Here it is. It's so-so. BUT feel free to email me for gift ideas. Instead of making you rely on a generic list of stuff, I'll do custom recommendations for you if you just tell me your budget and something about your gift recipient.
That’s certainly the personal touch. If that’s the Slow Web, then yes, that’s great. Seems rather labor-intensive, though. If Amazon took the approach instead of having its massive cybernetic brain toss up recommendations based on clicks, it would have to hire hundreds of thousands of people.
There! Unemployment solved.
FASHION Finally, the opportunity to look like a Disney character. It’s easy for men to be Donald; just put on a hat and shirt and skip the pants. Different for the Princess line-up, though Just in time for Christmas, Harrods is here to help.
That’s about $81,000 Yank money. If you're wondering when the culture will get tired of revisiting the Disney Princesses, the answer is Never.
ART If you’re an architect or interested in buildings, this may strike a chord.
Writing about modern architecture and modern photography for the Photographers' Gallery website, Hatherley says sites like Dezeen and Archdaily "provide little but glossy images of buildings that you will never visit, lovingly formed into photoshopped, freeze-dried glimmers of non-orthogonal perfection, in locations where the sun, of course, is always shining."
So? In related news, wedding photography rarely consists of people in burlap sacks standing out in the rain. As for “buildings that you will never visit,” I believe this falls into the category of “most buildings everywhere,” since architectural photography is the only way one gets to see these things. I’m not sure what the point is. We continue:
He adds: "In art, this approach to reproduction is dubious enough, but in architecture – where both physical experience and location in an actual place are so important – it’s often utterly disastrous, a handmaiden to an architectural culture that no longer has an interest in anything but its own image."
Ah, that’s why I bookmarked it. Now it comes back to me. A culture that no longer has an interest in anything but its own image. What’s the difference between the great buildings of yore and the goofy exhibitionist architecture of today? The former were built to please the patron - the Church, the State, the Company. Today the patron flatters the architect, comes bowing and scraping: will you please deign to design something for us?
The flip side: overly cautious developer architecture. Going up soon downtown:
We already have that building about ten times over. It looks like the old Lutheran Brotherhood building trying to emerge from one of the Target structures. If you don’t know the old LB building, it was a gem:
That’s a building that knows what it is. Then there’s this:
We have one of those already. It’s the Skyscape.
Don't get me wrong: I'll take them. I just wish there was a compromise between Safe and Obnoxious.
ADVERTISEMENT
recent posts
- High-level Griefers
- "Twin Peaks" returning to TV?
- Let's clone some French Kings
- The Mary Tyler Moore font
- Another World's Tallest Building
- USB Toast. About time.
- Are Apple Store employees peeking at your files?
- UPDATE: Infant-snatching eagle was faked
- Will you quit Instagram now?
- The Sloooow Internet
- Pepsi-flavor Chicken Chips
- Clint Eastwood in Mime Form
- Snow Emergency Rules in Song Form
- Martian moon may be hollow, cranks say
- Best print ads of 2012
- The new (old) Star Trek villain
- Just 12 minutes of Russian Road Accidents
- Dee-luxe apartments in the sky
- How to set a friend on fire
ADVERTISEMENT
inside the StarTribune
-
425 Portland Av. S.
Minneapolis, MN 55488
(612) 673-4000
- Company
- Subscriber Services
- Website
- Buy Ads
- Store
- Connect with Us
© 2013 StarTribune. All rights reserved.
StarTribune.com is powered by Limelight Networks
Newspaper Subscriptions
eEdition
RSS
Newsletters