This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.

The Worst Movie Ever Made

Posted by: James Lileks under Praise Updated: June 25, 2014 - 12:29 PM

At least you can enjoy "Plan 9" for its badness. When something is bad and excruciatingly bad AND celebrates a dictator, it's different. But let's back up for a second.

In the 80s Kevin Kline would have been a natural choice to play Errol Flynn in his youth. But that was years ago. Who would play Flynn today? Well, as it happens, Kevin Kline. Here’s the trailer for “The Last of Robin Hood.”

This Film School Rejects piece discusses the plot: Hollywood Legend goes crazy for a young star, nothing “for background, Flynn was put in trial for statutory rape and acquitted, but his reputation was never the same again.” The trial on the stach beef, as Hush-Hush might have put it, was in ’42. He wasn’t charged with any crimes for his relationship with Beverly Aadland, the subject of this movie. There were allegations, but no charges.

Anyway: whatever liberties it takes with the story, it gets some period details right:

Let's take a closer look.

Proper names for the director and shooter, and a close approximation of the movie.

Fanning makes a convincing Aadland, too:

Anyone who loves the period will see it just for the cars and radios and sofas. But if it romanticizes Aadland or suggests she might have been a great star had she not tied her fortunes to Flynn, or some such revisionist idea, well, seek out a copy of Cuban Rebel Girls aka Assault of the Rebel Girls. She’s just awful. The whole film is awful. Flynn is tired and puffy - he died shortly after it was made - and his final scene is an endorsement of his pal Castro, and all the freedom he would soon bring to Latin America.

Wonder if the movie will talk about that.

COMICS Dozens of artists collaborated on this salute to Little Nemo, a work whose creator the Kickstarter page describes as “perhaps the greatest cartoonist of all time.” You could make that case; wouldn’t be hard. Here’s one of the examples, and if it’s indicative of the rest of the work, it’s worth a hundred bucks.

Related: Genesis reunites for the first time since the last time; it’s for a BBC doc. And if you’re wondering why that’s related, you don’t care that they’re reuniting.

But back to comics. Today’s Mother Goose and Grimm, which contains neither:

Took me a while. For a moment I thought . . . so, Elsie is a cow, and cows get Mad Cow, and Mad rhymes with Bad, so . . . no, that’s a stretch. Ah: milk. Milk is good in the fridge for a while and then it “goes bad” overnight. Right. But Elsie produces milk; she is not defined by, nor exclusively composed of, Milk. In her udder milk would be perfectly fine. It would make more sense for the policemen to be arresting a container of milk, which would be instantly more sensible and amusing. But this is MG&G, after all.

TECH Yo, the app that lets you say Yo, has competition:

Only 2 days after launching Slingshot, Facebook announced a brand-new mobile app: Hey. According to inner sources, Hey was designed and coded overnight by Mr. Zuckerberg himself. It’s dead simple: click on a friend’s name and he instantly receives a notification saying “Hey” from you. Hey. That’s all.

That’s from TrapCrunch, which is to TechCrunch what Clickhole is to BuzzFeed.

APPALLING Poor fellow.

Okay, you’ve seen it, but have you seen it today? Still my favorite seven seconds of the week.

SCIENCE! Seems a certain theory has a certain problem:

None of us should be here. In fact, the whole world, the stars and the galaxies shouldn’t be here either. According to a new cosmological study, our whole Universe should have blinked out of existence an instant after it was first created.

Research from British cosmologists at King’s College London (KCL) suggests that the Universe shouldn’t have lasted for more than a second after the Big Bang, according to the Standard Model that’s suggested by the Higgs boson seen in 2012 along with recent astronomical observations.

This would seem to suggest the theory is wrong or incomplete. Look for the invention of a new subatomic particle or unexplained force, like the HBC (Higgs-Boson Compensator) which cannot be observed or detected, but must exist, because it explains a big hole in the theory.

ANIMATION It’s only a matter of time before someone greenlights Poochie. From Cartoon Brew:

Today, Disney Television Animation announced the beginning of production on Pickle & Peanut, a “buddy comedy series about two unlikely friends—an emotional pickle and a freewheeling peanut…two underdogs who dream up plans to be anything but ordinary.” Of course, you wouldn’t know any of that from the promotional artwork Disney released since the expression-less identical poses of the pickle and peanut betray no sign of personality or character except their questionable sense of sunglass fashion.

Here they are.

Okay. The typeface is a hint that this is supposed to be ugly, because a chrome gradient on the cliched spiky 80s poster font . . . yikes. Hit the link for a video of the director’s previous work, which is as far from Disney as is possible in this universe. If it exists. It shouldn’t. Yet somehow it does.

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