This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.

Spanking in Minnesota

Posted by: James Lileks under Photos, Praise Updated: April 9, 2014 - 12:39 PM

I'm tempted to drive to Calhoun to see if anyone's on the beach today. It's only 57 now, but we're promised 70. Then it's back in the 40s next week, because life is cruel. Is this worse than last year? Well: last year, April 15: high of 37. April 15, 2012: High of 61. 2011: 43 at noon. 2010: 66. As you see, it goes back and forth with big swings. Let’s check 1986: 45 at noon. 1985: 62 at noon.

All this data comes from the Time Machine feature of forecast.io. Plug in any date. You’ll see wide variances, but a mean emerges. Imagine that.

DISENGAGE Captain Janeway says she was tricked into voicing the geocentricism documentary. AVClub:

Seeming to offer explanation for why the vessel of Star Trek: Voyager became so irrevocably stranded, Kate Mulgrew—best known as that show’s Captain Janeway—has lent her familiar voice to The Principle, an upcoming documentary about the belief that the Earth is the center of the universe. The film has been in the works for a while, though it’s mostly been as ignored as those who have propagated the theory of Geocentrism past the 17th century.

But that’s all changed with the release of a trailer that finds Mulgrew’s familiar voice intoning, “Everything we think we know about our universe is wrong,” before a montage of physicists offers vaguely articulated assessments of how unique our planet is, seemingly in support of the idea that everything must therefore revolve around it. Some of them stand before whiteboards with calculations written on them. The evidence is compelling.

She says - well, read the article; they did the heavy lifting, I didn’t. I figured she was just taking a paycheck. Just because Orson Welles did the voiceover for frozen peas didn’t mean he ate them.

WEB CULTURE You never know which gaping hole in our culture exists until someone plugs it. This is one of those: man recreates bathroom fight from “World’s End” in Minecraft. Whew.

Via AV Club.

ART Beautiful cinemagraphs by Rebecca Mock.

They’re all available at one page, and I could point you there - but then they’d get the traffic instead of the artist, and you wouldn’t see the rest of her portfolio. I know, I know, who appointed me Link Cop today.

BAD ROBOT Let’s check in with our favorite gibberish blog, automatically compiled to snag search results. It’s written by “Leonard,” and it’s called “Minnesota / A blog about minnesota from a graduate student.” Today’s title: “Spanking in Minnesota.”

Under Minnesota state and local law enforcement agencies have implemented an aggressive approach to curbing driving under the spanking in minnesota a great place to move. There are also fun family activities and various cultural showcases held in this state should spend a night at the spanking in minnesota an old historical landmark which has both a park and an area of a home in the spanking in minnesota that takes cruises in this modern arena. The large and beautiful state with a criminal offense. In fact, the spanking in minnesota, which is nice. There are several people who visit the spanking in minnesota during the spanking in minnesota can go on kayaking or canoeing trips.

No link, because that’s what they want. SAYS I, LINK COP.

VotD From Blastr, a story about the original design for the Predator.

Before it landed on the iconic beast we all know and love, the 1980s action hit Predator featured a very different look for its namesake hunter -- and Van Damme, was it terrible.

Before the studio mercifully turned to FX legend Stan Winston to redesign the creature, they originally hired Jean Claude Van Damme to play the Predator, wearing a weird red suit that would be changed in post-production as part of the cloaking effects.

The recollection of Van Damme’s fury is priceless.

Wait a minute, says Link Cop. What’s this in the comments?

I love how you idiots are always stealing headlines from Bloody-Disgusting. Don't think I don't notice. This site should be taken down

Well, let’s see how Bloody-Disgusting titled the piece: “Hilarious Story About Jean-Claude Van Damme In ‘Predator’!! Okay. Blastr: “Awesome, long-lost 1980s footage of Van Damme's hilariously bad Predator.” No, different headline. And better. And they link back to movies.com as the original story.

So Link Cop will let them go on their way, and detain the commenter for a while to issue a warning against making spurious accusations.

Finally: yesterday's discussion of Archie dying - and by that we mean "dying in an alternate timeline to goose sales" led to someone tweeting out the cover of Life with Archie #37 by comics legend Alex Ross. Oy:

Can you possibly imagine a situation where this would be your perspective, and something really awful wasn't about to happen? There are actually many different covers, and you can see the whole batch here. You may not care a whit about Archie, but the comic is an American archetype, and it's interesting to see what different artists do with the concept of Riverdale's redhead taking the big sleep.

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