This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.
The internet has risen up:
First, back up a bit. The New Yorker asks: are games too long? (Obviously they’re not talking about Flappy Birds.) I'd say yes, but the older you get the longer games seem. The more you recognize the sameness. Oh grand, the snow level. If you’re playing a game set on the planet Mercury in summertime there will be a snow level. Any game that includes a second sequence in which you jump from crate to crate is longer by one crate-jumping sequence than it needs to be. I still haven’t finished Call of Duty: Man Being Yelled At About the Numbers yet, preferring to chip away at the Zombie levels, because they’re fast and pointless.
The article is called “The Long Con,” and I’m not sure what they mean. How are we being conned? What does the picture have to do with modern gaming? Nothing. But it reminds you how arcade gaming was structured to make you keep popping in the quarters, whether you playing a game that required pattern memorization, or fighting random chance. Which brings us to Flappy Bird. The developer took it down to save humanity.
Forbes finds him in Vietnam, and sits down for a talk::
“Flappy Bird was designed to play in a few minutes when you are relaxed,” says Dong Nguyen, in an exclusive interview, his first since he pulled the plug on the app. “But it happened to become an addictive product. I think it has become a problem. To solve that problem, it’s best to take down Flappy Bird. It’s gone forever.”
The story keeps excavating additional levels of absurdity:
Nguyen had a sudden meeting with Vietnam’s deputy prime minister Vu Duc Dam – a remarkable turn of events for someone unknown a week ago. Nguyen says his parents didn’t even know that Flappy Bird existed, much less his role in it, until media coverage spun out of control in the past few days.
The 29-year-old, who sports a close-cropped haircut, appeared stressed.
What’s next? Well, Flappy Doge, of course:
Ply it online! Put a fist through your screen! Here’s more on the awful flappy-bird imitators swamping the App store. “If you thought Flappy Bird was hard, it’s best to not even get started with Ironpants, as it’s ten times tougher.” Ugh.
SCIENCE! How long did it take for the Permian Mass Extinctin to wipe most life from the planet? About 60,000 years. It killed off the trilobite entirely, which was probably a good thing; no one would go swimming if those creatores were scuttling along the lake floor. You think it’s bad now when you step on some weeds.
DESIGN Ever given any thought to the fonts of National Geographic maps? They’re the work of one man, Charles Riddiford, and have remained unchanged since the 30s. The Smithsonian explains.
GIBBERISH It’s been a while since we checked in with the internet’s favorite Minnesota-centric blog robot, who's Horse_ebooks-like nonsense is spewed to attract Google spiders and bring search traffic. Today’s effort is called “Ballrooms in Minnesota.” No link, because it's
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Always with the arrest and jail. It always comes back to that.
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The post, as usual, was written by “Leonard, a graduate student.” Perhaps next year he'll be writing about Streetcar Wire Explosions in Minnesota:
The slowed-down version appears to be saying something. Like "OWWWW," perhaps.
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