This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.
There’s no end. There’s nothing we can do. I’ve never experienced a winter this long. It just doesn’t stop. It doesn’t give up. It snows. That’s what it does. That’s all it does. It will not give up until you are dead. No, that’s the Terminator. Too bad; eventually you can get rid of a Terminator with a drill press. This . . .I don’t know. I just don’t.
So. Anyway. Whatever.
Sigh. That didn't help, did it. We think we're going to be playing games out doors by now. Although I suppose this qualifies as "playing games outdoors," too:
Anyway. Maybe this mesmerizing sight will help: “the most detailed picture of the Internet ever.” The means by which the image was generated were not particularly legal:
he used some stupid simple hacking techniques to build a 420,000-node botnet that helped him draw the most detailed map of the Internet known to man. Not only does it show where people are logging in, it also shows changes in traffic patterns over time with an impressive amount of precision. This is all possible, of course, because the researcher hacked into nearly half a million computers so that he could ping each one, charting the resulting paths in order to make such a complex and detailed map.
The high-resolution version is here, and you can stare at it for hours. There’s one dot in the middle of Greenland that makes you wonder, doesn’t it? Let’s take a look on the Google satellie view.
Yet there’s someone there.
CANDY They changed the recipe on Snaps. I can tell, because I have a handful at the end of the night. Maybe ten. If they’re fresh, they’re delicious; if not, they’re like eating ceramic, but you just make sure you get them fresh. When I was a kid they came in boxes that made razzing sounds if you blew through one end, a parental-torture device that was lost for good when they switched to bags. While eating a handful a few days ago, I thought “These are not only soft, but inordinately so.” The next night I realized that the softness was almost unpleasant, and the taste was different. I checked the package. It used to look like this:
You will note that it is Original and Classic. This implies that nothing has changed, right? Well, now it says it’s “Chewier.” So it’s not original and it’s not classic. It’s inedible. What happened?
Additional research indicated that the shortage of the product has fall had an explanation. From the company website:
On 8/22, we were notified by the California Dept. of Public Health (CDPH) that they had detected trace amounts of lead in one batch of our black licorice (16 oz. Bags of Black Licorice Twists with “Best Before Date 020413” printed on the label) that exceeded the amount of lead that they deem safe for candy products.
I’m one of those madcap dreamers who thinks that the standard should be “NO LEAD WHATSOEVER,” but you can’t have everything. Including your familiar Snaps.
YOU THERE Today’s lazy headlines that use the word YOU because it was a hip internet thing to do in 2011 but is really starting to annoy me. First, WaPo:
12 countries where the government regulates what you can name your child
Except that I don’t live in any of them, so the article is irrelevant. Suggested revision: 12 countries where the government controls baby names. By the way, I love this:
The reasons for the laws vary dramatically by country, rather like names themselves. Many hands-on Scandinavian democracies, such as Sweden and Norway, regulate names out of concern for the child’s reputation and well-being.
Hands-on democracies! That’s lovely.
Next, from habitual offender, Wired: “In Two Weeks, Your iPad Can Be Used on Military Networks.” Really? My iPad? The one sitting right here on my desk? Let’s read the story:
By the middle of the month, iPhones and iPads will likely pass a Pentagon security review that will result in their use, for the first time, on military networks.
Oh. So it’s someone else' iPad, not mine. That's a relief because I wondered if it had been drafted.
From BuzzFeed: “You Will Never Look At The CBS Logo The Same Away Again.” Yes you will. No link. Trust me. One can go right on looking at the logo the same way for the rest of your life. Then again, that might not be too long:
From io9: “The so-called ‘Health Foods’ that are Probably Killing You.”
Orange juice is one of them. Ask any medical examiner, and he'll tell you he's always putting "Advanced acute Tropacanitis" on the death certificate.
WHAT? This article made me wonder if I’d really missed something in my study of American culture between the Gilded Age and the post-war era:
The myth of a flat earth which became widespread during the first half of the 20th century shares a common bond with recent reports that the upcoming iOS 7 interface design driven by Apple's SVP of Industrial Design Jony Ive — is said to be “very, very flat”.
If those reports are accurate, the latest streamlined iOS 7 will lose all signs of gloss, shine, and skeuomorphic design elements like faux leather-stitching
Etc. Etc. Myth of a flat earth in the 20th century? The only flat-earth myth a hundred years ago was the belief that the medieval thinkers thought the world was flat. But even if was believed in a widespread fashion, how does it share a common bond with reports about the interface overhaul?
It’s like anyone can say anything on the internet these days.
Okay, that's enough. I'm going to stare out the window and will the snow to stop, just to enhance the feeling of utter futility one has on days like this.
UPDATE: hey, it stopped! So that was all it took? Apologies to everyone.
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