This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.

Dew the Don't: Internet contest goes awry

Posted by: James Lileks under Technology Updated: August 13, 2012 - 12:03 PM

It’s a perfect day. There could be no finer Monday. If you’re thinking “surely it’s better in California,” well, they had a tornado. Also a small earthquake. Possibly locusts. Forecasts show scattered smiting of the first-born. But it's heaven here. Let us give thanks for the fine weather, then ignore it completely: Ladies and Gentlement, the Internet! 

OOPS Mountain Dew decided to invent a new flavor and “Crowdsource,” to use a loathsome tertm, the name. Said the site: “Classic Mtn Dew with green apple attitude. Think you have a winning name for this brand new Dew? Put it up for a vote!”

Never ask the internet for help. If you do, hire two or three people to sit in front of computers and intercept the trolls, which will be coming in like Cylon fighters. Here’s what was cached around 10:30 this morning; the site was taken down when trolls swarmed the contest and submitted hardy-har names.

 

 

 

 

The number one suggestion was “Hitler Did Nothing Wrong.” More here.

Now I’m going to spend the rest of the day wondering which sort of “attitude” green apple possesses. I gather they mean “this is my flavor, bro, and I don’t care if it’s brash, I gotta be me YOLO SWAG” or if they mean “attitude” in the navigational sense. Wikipedia notes that “An attitude heading reference system consists of sensors on three axes that provide heading, attitude and yaw information for aircraft. They are designed to replace traditional mechanical gyroscopic flight instruments and provide superior reliability and accuracy.” Doesn’t seem to have a lot to do with apples, green or otherwise. 

BOO HOO Proof that Lenny Bruce was as bad a person as you might suspect. Was anything ever Lenny’s fault? Probably not. Everyone else, they’re the problem, man. They’re the problem.

SCIENCE! They’ve found a way to attract skeeters: purty flower smells.

 

Using flower scents created in a lab, a team of researchers at Ohio State University plans to lure mosquitoes into traps.

The objective: Kill the pests that carry life-threatening diseases, including West Nile Virus and malaria.

“Think of the perfume industry. It’s the same approach, but we’re using it to trap mosquitoes for public-health purposes,” said Philip E. Otienoburu, an OSU entomologist.

Great! Kill ‘em all. But what will the bats each? you ask. I don’t know. I am willing to put up a bat feeder to help them out until they figure out something else. Just please, kill all mosquitos. They’ve had countless millennia to clean up their act, and it’s obvious they have no intention of changing.

 

TECH   The problem isn't young writers who write like this, it's the editors who don't see anything wrong:

Carmack set the headset down, and remained smirking. John Carmack has a special way of weaving through complex topics. He does not sanitize technical terms, and laymen, like me, can have trouble keeping up. It's fascinating to hear him speak, though; he has an unbridled passion for the topic at hand, with a mind that is constantly working towards solutions. The way he churns through topics is computer-like; it's easy to imagine a processor (a powerful one) working through data in much the same way.

Did you learn anything from that? The point of the piece: Carmack and id are working on a VR kit. Goes over your eyeholes and streams HD games into your brain. I’ll believe it when I see it, use it, and rip it off my head because I have to throw up.

I’m not sure I want to play Doom 4 in VR. When I was playing Doom 3 in a dark room, my daughter crept up behind me and grabbed my neck and said BOO! and I think I shed my skin.

 

LISTICLE: Things you need to stop doing. The last one should be typing “this” after a post with which you agree. It’s played out. Time to start typing “that.” Or possibly Verily.

 

 

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