Lunchtime Diversions for Wednesday, July 25

This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.

Lunchtime Diversions for Wednesday, July 25

Posted by: James Lileks under Gripes, Technology Updated: July 25, 2012 - 12:13 PM

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It’s a beautiful day; condolences if you’re stuck inside, and can’t enjoy a lunchtime stroll. It was supposed to rain today - all my weather apps said so.

Which means nothing. I bought a new one called Solar, which is very cool; no buttons. Just swipe down for extended forecast, swipe left to switch cities, and swipe up to advance ahead in time to see what the weather will be like in a few hours. When a thunderstorm is happening, the device actually vibrates to simulate thunder. Cool! I know this because it was vibrating like crazy last night around eleven PM. There was no thunderstorm. One was predicted, though, so the phone felt like a bumblebee in a matchbox. Inaccurate, yes. But it looks cool, so I’ll keep it.

OH NO. NO. JUST NO The Learning Channel is actually publicizing the fact that this exists, and they made it, and they’re airing it. As a cautionary tale? An inducement for some not to breed?

The Learning Channel also has the following shows coming up:

Virgin Diaries: Vajazzle

Strange Sex: Date with Feet Aroma Fetistist

The Learning Channel used to be about something, but the word escapes me at the moment.

ONLY YOU Perhaps you’ve heard the clever radio PSAs for Smokey Bear - well, not Smokey per se, but a ranger who fields phone calls regarding Smokey. The voice is Patrick Warbuton, whose credits range from “Hostage on ‘What if?‘ Mode” in the 2000 Spider-Man video game to Brock Samson the Venture Brothers. The Smokey ads are brilliant, and it’s hard to imagine anyone else voicing the Ranger with the right amount of sarcasm, indifference, and hostility.

The new TV ads are different. In a word: horrible. In two words: nightmarishly horrible. That’s either a bad bear suit or bad CGI; not sure which.

What I want to know his where this guy lives. You can burn leaves there? I’m moving.