James Lileks: Great moments in parenting

By JAMES LILEKS, Star Tribune

Last update: October 18, 2009 - 12:06 AM

The curious story of Falcon the Balloon Boy morphed quickly into suspicion about the parents, who seem keen on grabbing the spotlight. If they capitalize on this by announcing a line of grade-school backpacks with parachutes, we'll be even more suspicious. ("Whether your child needs to hit the books or hit the silk, you'll be prepared!")

Watching the poor kid whoop up his Wheaties on the morning talk shows makes you wonder who would put their kids through such thing. Well, we may have a local example. Recall the last spring's Prior Lake pipe-bomb plague? Authorities now say the parents of two kids helped their sons and pyrotechnical pals build the explosive devices, and bought the bang-dust that decapitated half a dozen mailboxes.

The parents have pled "no way, uh uh," but investigators say the dad thought it would be "a good educational tool for the kids to build pipe bombs," while his wife said she "did not want to stifle her son's curiosity," according to one source.

Perhaps. But this is like responding to the onset of puberty by turning the basement into a harem.

Maybe they planned reverse psychology. If we help them design, make and plant explosives, they'll get bored with it.

Child: "Could we study literature today? Or history?" Parent: "The history of bombs, perhaps?"

Child: [Grumbles] "OK, but can you teach us something without so much bombs in it? Math, maybe?" Parent: "Fine. If Billy has one pound of gunpowder, and Tina has a kilogram, how many seconds would it take for the sound of the explosion to travel one mile?"

Yes, we shouldn't judge these folks or Falcon's parents. We've all made child-rearing mistakes, I'm sure. As they say, when you point a finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you.

Unless you blew them off during a father-son retreat, that is.

jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 • More daily at www.startribune.com/buzz