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Continued: Lileks: What do DQ hacks and bus benches have in common? A lot

  • Article by: JAMES LILEKS , Star Tribune
  • Last update: September 4, 2014 - 11:20 PM

Someone could tap into the database, and reveal that the benches had been gathering information on weight for a national obesity study. If it’s cross-referenced with the Dairy Queen hack, and the information is sold to SmartBench, they could send you an e-mail noting that you had sat on the bench and consumed a soft-serve but had not gotten on a bus, and this violated the End User License Agreement you signed when you joined BenchNet, and you now owed a $2.46 occupancy fee, plus the $1.21 city fee for infrastructure maintenance.

Then we’d learn that the benches had TSA-mandated body scanners embedded in the seats to detect weapons, and the hackers now had, in essence, a database of every bus-bench user’s bottom, as if they’d sat on a Xerox machine during a holiday office party.

But that will pass and no one will care. If you’re the guy who’s standing by the bus stop instead of sitting, and pays with cash? People will roll their eyes. One of those. All he’s missing is the tinfoil hat.

jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858

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