May I have this dance?

For years, Jim Lundquist and Sarah Stanchfield have each wanted to get married; they’ve seen siblings marry and parents marry.
But they wanted to wait until they knew they were right for each other.

“She is my soul. That is true,” Lundquist said, while holding her hand.

“He likes to make me laugh. He jokes around. He’s nice and kind, caring, gentle,” Stanchfield said. “And, that’s why I want to get married to him.”

Today, on Valentine’s Day, Lundquist, 49, and Stanchfield, 31, will exchange vows. They both have Down syndrome.

“They love to dance, and that’s what brought them together,” said Sharon Baer, who has provided in-home services for Lundquist for about eight years.

Their relationship began three years ago when Sarah asked him to dance. She also asked if he’d be her boyfriend.

“He told one of the staff that it’s like another part of his heart just opened up when he met her,” Baer said.

Sarah’s mother, Pamela Wright, said she knew, like any other mother, when a boyfriend wasn’t “the one” for Sarah. But with Jim, it was different.

Everyone comments about how respectful they are of each other, said Jim’s mother, Joann Lundquist.

Even as they re-enact the proposal, Lundquist politely asks Stanchfield to “stand up, please,” while he bends to one knee.
When she calls him “kind, caring, gentle,” he says, “thank you.”

And when they part, they hug each other gently and kiss.

The proposal

In late 2005, Lundquist traveled to Denmark with Lifeworks, a nonprofit organization based in Eagan that helped both Lundquist and Stanchfield find jobs.

Lifeworks employees asked Lundquist to keep a journal during the trip. His yearning for a companion became apparent.

He’s the oldest of his siblings; both of his brothers were already married.

Judy Lysne, Lifeworks president and CEO, said that during the trip Lundquist would show off photos of Stanchfield. And when other women would approach, he would tell them he already had a girlfriend.

Traveling changed him.

“I feel like a man on this trip, not so much like a man with a disability,” he told Lysne.

“When he got back, without really consulting anyone, he went out and got a ring and asked Sarah to marry him,”
Lysne said.

He got down on one knee and proposed. She said yes.

After the proposal, Baer taught Lundquist a new word: fiancée. “Sarah’s not your 'girlfriend’ anymore,” she explained.

The planning

Just over a year ago, Stanchfield and Lundquist met with Mary Gaasch, the program manager at Hammer Residences in Wayzata, where Stanchfield lives.

They talked through the challenges and logistics the couple will face in marriage. Where will they live? Who will provide their services? What is their financial situation?

Gaasch organized meetings to plan the wedding and to find answers to all of these questions. She posed questions to the couple about things that could cause problems. Jim and Sarah had an answer for each one.

Who will do the dishes? They’ll make a chart and take turns. What if one wants to watch a movie and the other doesn’t? They’ll talk it out.

Gaasch said this experience might help her organization work with more people who would like to get married.

Experts say it’s not uncommon for people with Down syndrome to want to form such companionships, though no one knows how many have gotten married. With the right support system, marriage can benefit the couple because they can combine their abilities, Lysne said.

The couple will live in Lundquist’s apartment in Minnetonka.

“Sarah will be living more independently than she would be otherwise,” Lysne said. “Jim might be able to stay independent longer because of having that companion.”

The celebrating

Earlier this month, Stanchfield greeted friends and family with hugs as they came to her bridal shower. Guests discussed the bride’s dress and hair. Housemates discussed prospects for meeting Lund-
quist’s single friends.

After opening her gifts, her mother asked Stanchfield if she’d like to say anything to the nearly 20 women who had gathered.
“I’m happy. I have a good life at the apartment with James,” said Sarah, mentioning the 20 or so of her guests by name as she spoke. “I will always be your daughter, Mom and Dad. ... I will come back to visit, to Mom’s and my housemates. I know you’ll miss me a lot.”

Wright, who will be both mother-of-the-bride and bridesmaid, stopped assembling a bouquet of ribbons and bows.

She blinked back tears.

The big day

Sarah and Jim chose the flowers and the cake, with a dancing bride and groom on top. They requested a limousine and “Pastor Dave” — the Rev. Dave Olson from Mount Calvary Lutheran Church in Excelsior.

“She had it all figured out,” Wright said. “Like she’d been thinking about it for years.”

Sherm Stanchfield, Sarah’s father, said Jim and Sarah make a good team. Jim is kind, respectful and protective of Sarah, and they’re constantly talking and laughing.

“She’s talked since she was a teenager about finding a nice man and getting married,” he said.

She’s found him.

Today family and friends, coming from as far as Pennsylvania and Montana, will see Jim and Sarah say “I do.”

<I>Emily Banks is a University of Minnesota student reporter on assignment for the Star Tribune. </I>