More and more single dads

The sun is peeking up outside the frosty window, but Lee Cody Wilson is already juggling at full speed in his Minneapolis apartment.

He's ironing the white school shirts for his sons, 7-year-old Jontae and 4-year-old Jameeko. He's handing a bottle of formula to Kennon, his 11-month-old daughter, in her playpen. Jameeko can't find a shoe, so the search is on.

"Brush your teeth and gargle and then I'll get you a Pop-Tart," he tells the boys, dangling an incentive.

The hectic routine is one faced by an increasing number of fathers. As a single dad, Wilson is part of one of the fastest-growing segments of Minnesota's population. By 2030, the number of single-father families is expected to climb 55 percent -- from 6 percent of all households counted in the 2000 census to nearly 10 percent, according to state projections. It's not certain why that number is growing, but it is clear that single dads often face additional challenges in raising a family. Surveys show they often have more employment and housing problems than the mothers of their children, as well as less education.

Also, Minnesota's Voluntary Recognition of Parentage form, which establishes a legal relationship between father and child when the parents are not married to each other, spells out dads' rights in black and white: "When a child is born to parents who are not married to each other the law gives custody of the child to the mother. If the father wants a different custody arrangement, he must go to court."

Policy changes would acknowledge and support dads who are shouldering greater parenting responsibilities, according to family court experts and parenting advocates.

"We want to keep men stable, happy, healthy and connected to their kids so the next generation can break the cycle of fatherlessness so many dads today have experienced," said Kirkland Johnson, who runs a Young Dads program that serves nearly 300 men a year at the Employment Action Centers in Minneapolis and St. Paul.

Nationally, census figures show the number of male-led households with children went from 616,000 in 1980 to more than 2 million in 2005.

"The role and definition of fatherhood has really changed in one generation -- from being primarily the breadwinner up until the 1980s to more of a nurturer today," said Paul Masiarchin, director of the Minnesota Fathers & Families Network, a statewide coalition of dozens of dads groups.

"The consciousness has changed and now some of the policies need to reflect the new reality," he said.

Nearly one-quarter of Minnesota households with kids were run by single parents in 2000. By 2030, projections show that single-mother families will increase by less than half the rate of single-father homes.

How to break the cycle

Wilson is among the 20 or so men who met weekly at the Young Dads program in Minneapolis. The 17-week sessions include anger management classes, job counseling and housing help.

Leaning on fellow dads helps Wilson through the stressful times.

"If you have problems with your babies' momma, it's good to bounce off people in the group," he said.

The Young Dads are becoming increasingly political, holding informational protests at courthouses, county board meetings and state child-support offices. They're working on trying to amend the system to enhance fathers' rights in custody cases.

"Groups like Young Dads justifiably believe that committed relationships with their children will benefit not only the children, but the dads," said Hennepin County District Judge Bruce Peterson.

For members who have criminal histories, the group has a list of several dozen landlords who are willing to take a chance that the dad training merits a second chance.

Struggles: legal and otherwise

Most of the other 20 men in the weekly meetings are struggling with the legal system to win at least partial custody of their kids.

Matt Garayt, 25, recently got out of jail for an assault conviction that, he said, stemmed from a fight with a guy who used a date-rape drug on another friend.

While behind bars, he said, he recommitted himself to becoming a better father for his 2-year-old daughter. With help from the Young Dads, he's taken forklift-driver classes.

"I know I could be a positive influence for my baby girl if I just got the chance," Garayt said. "I love her and I've got a responsibility. Too much youth are being raised without the guidance of both parents."

Bobby Ford, 37, was recently laid off from a tool-and-die job, hurting his chances to win partial custody of four kids, aged 5, 8, 12 and 14.

At a recent peaceful protest outside the Minnesota Department of Human Services office in St. Paul, Ford carried a picket sign that read: "It takes two to make a child. Don't you think two should raise the children?"

But state law leans heavily toward the mother in custody cases, and fathers typically have to go through Mom if they want to become more involved in their kids' lives.

"The breadwinner role is important, but I think there's a largely untapped resource of psychological [input] and nurturing that fathers could provide with potentially less barriers than the economic role," said Glen Palm, who teaches child and family studies at St. Cloud State and parenting classes at the nearby state prison.

Johnson, who directs the Young Dads, said he would like to see rules change so it would be assumed that custody of children born to unwed parents would be shared, unless a court decided otherwise.

Former Rep. Andy Dawkins, DFL-St. Paul, is helping the Young Dads' effort. He said the child-support message has been clearly sounded, "but the system needs to do a better job getting the message out that we want both parents to be involved in their kids' lives."

Walking the walk

To many in his dads' group, Wilson is a model to follow. They watch him corralling his kids at meetings with an admiring eye. He grew up in Gary, Ind., not knowing his dad. He came to Minneapolis a decade ago to seek chemical dependency treatment.

"I didn't have a father, so I said to myself: 'If I ever have kids, I'm going to raise them,'" he said. "I believe in doing what's right."

Sometimes, raising three kids under 8 can be daunting. He tries to blend equal doses of firmness and humor. Convincing legal authorities that he was up to that challenge was equally tough.

"I just went at it real hard, like when you want to lose weight or leave dope," he said. "You do what you've got to do. I'm in debt to my lawyer, but I got my kids and love and cherish them no matter what."

Unemployed, Wilson grimaces about receiving free diapers from a food shelf and using food stamps to buy the boys' ice cream cake for their birthdays.

"People come at you all kinds of ways when you want your kids," he said. "But that's good. They want to see you become a good parent."

Back at his apartment, Wilson has found his son's lost shoe, served up the Pop-Tarts and snapped the baby into her car seat.

"Even with all the trials and tribulations, it's all good," he said. "The boys love interacting with their sister and they're good helpers, learning about responsibility and leadership.

"I am blessed beyond measure to have my boys and little girl. Flat-out blessed."

Staff researcher John Wareham contributed to this report. Curt Brown • 612-673-4767