Roadguy: After one spin, he'll leave driving to the pros

By Jim Foti, Star Tribune

Last update: September 29, 2007 - 4:58 PM

When there isn't a seat to spare at rush hour, a Metro Transit bus can seem a little small.

But now that I've taken a turn behind the wheel, I can assure you that buses are very large indeed.

It's a bit like driving a one-bedroom apartment. And the driver's seat is actually higher than the roof of my car.

This past week, Metro Transit invited me to spend a morning at its annual bus "Roadeo," which puts professional drivers through exercises with names like "serpentine,"right-hand reverse," and the biblical-sounding "judgment stop."

I gave them plenty to judge.

The event was held at a parking lot across from the Minnesota State Fair. I have a clean driving record, but the field of orange cones, neon green cones and yellow barrels had me more than a little wary. The largest vehicle I'd ever driven before was a pickup truck with 478,000 miles on it, and that was only for an afternoon.

Before I could get behind the wheel of the bus, I had to pass muster with Metro Transit's fashion police.

There's a dress code for drivers, and while I lost 10 points for not having a pressed uniform (or a uniform of any kind), my fingernails, my belt, my shoes and my nonexistent hair all earned high marks.

Then I rode along as Jon Uzpen, a Metro Transit safety specialist, drove through the course, and he gave me all sorts of pointers about veering right to turn left and using the mirrors.

Back at the starting line, before I'd even driven, one of the other transit guys wanted to nickname me Crash. He probably should've gone with Lurch.

It turned out that my steering actually wasn't too horrible -- I got within 2 inches of the curb on the "passenger stop" exercise, for example. The big challenge was the brakes.

With its sprightly automatic transmission, the bus would take off at about 5 miles per hour if I didn't keep my foot on the brake, Uzpen told me. So brake I did -- a lot, and way too hard. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see that the people riding with me were bracing themselves and bouncing around (and laughing, fortunately).

And while I successfully guided the tires between two rows of tennis balls, the yellow barrels proved far more challenging. The course once used metal barrels, but fortunately for Roadguy (and for Metro Transit), they switched to plastic. At the incredible speed of 14 mph, I took out a whole row (to more laughter).

After I concluded my nine-minute drive with no fatalities, I was asked at least twice whether driving a bus was harder than I expected. No, I said, I expected it to be hard -- driving is serious business.

With a score so low they didn't even bother to add it up, I won't be making the trip to the nationals down in Texas. But the next time I'm on a bus that lurches to a stop, I'll be a bit more understanding.

Jim Foti • 612-673-4491

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