Hiring client's offspring turns out to be a catastrophe

Q I agreed to do a good client a favor and hire her unemployed college graduate son to do some temporary work for my company. Not only has he made it clear the work is beneath him, but now I'm hearing that I'm not paying him enough to do it well. His imminent firing creates a problem in that, having taken him on as an employee, I certainly can't tell his parent what went awry. Any suggestions?

A Draw appropriate boundaries and keep communication open to preserve your relationship with your client.

The inner game

With these kinds of relationships and interpersonal dynamics at play, you may be feeling a mix of emotions. In addition to being disappointed in the employee, you may have conflicting feelings about your client -- for example, anxiety about damaging your working relationship plus annoyance that she's put you in an awkward position. Bring any feelings to the surface to avoid being sabotaged by them later.

Step into your client's shoes and map out how she may be feeling. Explore multiple angles, such as the concerned mother and the businessperson. Consider what she may have heard from her son and biases she may have. She might know that he's struggling or is hard to manage. Would that make a difference, compared with a protective "can do no wrong" kind of mom?

It's also essential that you take a "whole company" perspective. Assess how your handling of the situation has affected you, your company and your other employees. What do you need to do and how do you need to do it to be a good steward of your business?

Given all of these considerations, what is your goal? To get out of an awkward situation? To help a young employee down the right path? To protect your business? To have a strong relationship with this client? Clarify your primary objective, keeping in mind that other goals can be secondary.

The outer game

Respectful and open dialogue about your working relationship is essential, while keeping in mind that confidentiality prevents you from talking about your experiences concerning your client's son.

Focusing on your goal, define the key messages you'd like to deliver. Take the time to be very clear on what you want to say, and be equally clear about what you don't control -- your client's reaction. Anger? Tears? Denial? Think about how you'll respond -- and consider a temperate reaction, since that may be cloaking stronger emotions.

One conversation may not be enough. Remain alert to signs that the working relationship has deteriorated and be ready to re-engage with her. Also recognize that this may have done damage that only time will repair and accept any boundaries she sets.

Finally, learn from this. Does this experience mean you should never hire your client's relative? Not necessarily, but you may want to evaluate your hiring process and criteria, especially if you can't buffer yourself by having a more distant reporting relationship with that individual.

The last word

Communication is the key to keeping your client relationship on track when personal issues intrude.

What challenges do you face at work? Send your questions to Liz Reyer, a credentialed coach and president of Reyer Coaching & Consulting in Eagan. She can be reached at liz@deliverchange.com or 651-398-4765. Questions also can be submitted at www.deliverchange.com/coachscorner.