After these two equally unnerving experiences, I decided it was time to go. I bused it to Nha Trang, which is a decent- sized beach town North of Saigon. There wasn't too much in the way of culture here as tourism has worn out a pretty comfortable rung in the city. Most of the restaurants are American themed and there are plenty of bars with happy hour specials that last all night.

My first evening there, I was walking alone along the boardwalk (this sounds stupider than it really was) when a picnicking family shouted out "Hello!".

I said hi and they waved me over. I sat with them for a half-hour, not really talking (All they really knew how to say in English was 'Hello.' and 'How are you?' but nothing thereafter), but having a good time. They kept giving me different mixtures of strange fruit, salt and hot sauce, then laughing hysterically at my reactions. This experience restored my trust in the kindness of strangers (although there were laughing at me). After a while, a son showed up who spoke some English and ran through the basic tourist questions: 'What's your name? What do you do? How old are you? Are you married? Why not? What's wrong with you?'

The next day I laid out on the beach. To my pleasant surprise, it turned out to be a topless beach (finally, the Europeans come through). The beach was beautiful, but there was a lot of trash floating in the water. In fact, I spent most of the day throwing things away (and staring at topless girls). Environmentalism has not caught on in this part of the world. In Cambodia they burn trash. In Vietnam everything is thrown into gutters or water. What strikes me as strange is that, all the homes I have visited are immaculately clean. Clearly, the home is the sanctuary, the land and the environment is expendable.

Anyway, I have never enjoyed just laying out on a beach (even a topless one). I always get bore. Luckily, some kids invited me to play soccer with them. I have not played soccer in probably ten years, nor have I ever played on a beach. These kids ran me into the ground. After about an hour, I was close to a heart-attack, bleeding from my foot and burned thoroughly down my back. Still, that was probably the most fun I have had to date.