Withering Glance: The sun, the moon and the stars. In that order.

Withering Glance gloms onto the instant-runoff system, for everything.

By Rick Nelson and Claude Peck, Star Tribune

Last update: November 7, 2009 - 9:51 PM

Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, etiquette, culture, relationships, grooming and more.

RN: I just conducted an election among our readers, asking them to choose their favorite thing about our column. They could vote: A) me B) you or C) both of us. Thank goodness for instant runoff voting. In the first ballot, A won -- by a Reagan v. Mondale landslide -- but it was a dead heat for second place until IRV determined that C was the hands-down winner.

CP: Hmmm. My own informal poll at a Halloween party last weekend came up with a very different result, with my contributions to the column declared king and lord. A few people there also said things like, "Who is Rick Nelson, anyway?" Well, one person asked me that.

RN: My ex- was at your Halloween party?

CP: No. This guy was dressed as a top Twin Cities chef. And quite drunk.

RN: Typical.

CP: Seriously, though. This instant runoff is great. It can be applied to so many non-electoral rankings. I now may prove once and for all that I am my mother's numero uno among the four Peck siblings. Just like you and Judy.

RN: Please, like we needed a vote to verify either one of those contests. But think of the possibilities.

CP: I know. I'm a vodka tonic, a vodka martini, a vodka cranberry. I'm Almond Joy, Kit Kat, Snickers.

RN: They sound like your drag names. At least it's not "Fruit Roll-Ups."

CP: What about your top-three favorite ballets by Mr. B, in order?

RN: Come on, only three? OK, how about "Jewels," "Symphony in C" and "Stravinsky Violin Concerto." Wait, "The Four Temperaments," "Serenade" and "Mozartiana." Help, IRV.

CP: No one said it would be easy. They could have used this system in Afghanistan. Karzai would be driving a tractor by now. For giant election losers, is there much consolation in knowing you were third-most-liked? Are you going to launch your next campaign with the slogan, "I finished second last time!?" It's like when I ran for eighth-grade class president. And won secretary.

RN: Or when I won the role of "Attendant," a character so minor he didn't even merit a name, in my high school's production of "Dracula." Let's just say my attempt at a Cockney accent was even more wince-worthy than Dick Van Dyke's in "Mary Poppins."

CP: Oh, I'm sure your attendant was Tony-worthy. Not everyone can be a big star. Life is full of 2s and even lowly 3s. I have a friend who was actually color-coded as yellow in grade school, which I think meant "destined to become a chronic malingerer." But he hasn't let that get him down. He's viewed today as a model inmate.

RN: Kind of like some of those whose names have appeared on ballots.

E-mail: witheringglance@startribune.com.

Become a friend of Withering Glance on Facebook.

Recent Style + People stories

Facetime: Affair of the heart - November 7, 2009

Facetime: Affair of the heart - At the 15th Heart and Stroke Gala last month at the Depot in Minneapolis, the American Heart Association's mission to promote research and education about cardiovascular diseases and strokes was brought to life in a case study. The patient: 22-year-old Rachel Murray of Lake Elmo, who suffered a stroke in April. More

Back to school: Brazil college reverses expulsion of woman whose mini-dress sparked uproar - November 7, 2009

Back to school: Brazil college reverses expulsion of woman whose mini-dress sparked uproar - Brazil's case of the pink mini-dress that went viral on the Internet has left many scratching their heads: How could it be that an outfit, no matter how short, would cause such an uproar in a tropical nation where skimpy clothing and tiny bikinis barely raise an eyebrow? More