Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, etiquette, culture, relationships, grooming and more.

RN: I see you're ignoring my invitation, Ebenezer.

CP: I'm certain I don't know what you refer to.

RN: You know, that evening of spritz and eggnog and "A Charlie Brown Christmas." It'll be fun. Just to warn you, I always cry when Linus delivers his big Gospel According to Luke speech.

CP: Sure, but you take it too far, curling up with a mug of cocoa and Barbara Stanwyck in "A Christmas in Connecticut" for the umpteenth time.

RN: I like my yuletide movies and TV specials. So sue me.

CP: On Dec. 25, you may find me nursing a vodka gimlet and enjoying my DVD of "Internal Affairs."

RN: Ever the festive one, that's you.

CP: Festive, I don't mind. But sappy? Less so.

RN: I take it I can't talk you into dropping in on Macy's eighth-floor auditorium holiday show?

CP: Please tell me you have not already traversed the Hall of Poinsettias? Of course you have.

RN: Just as I have every year since the mid-1970s. We can pretend that "A Day in the Life of an Elf" is not the same display that the Store Formerly Known as Dayton's has trotted out of storage each December for the past seven years. I'll grudgingly admit that it's cute enough to melt that Grinch-y heart of yours, although it's no "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," which Dayton's presented to universal raves in 1998. I don't want to admit how many times I walked through that one.

CP: I would love to go, but I have some long-standing seasonal grudges to nurse. Maybe you would like to stop over to watch "Female Trouble," the John Waters movie with my favorite Christmas-morning scene ever?

RN: Refresh my memory. Is that the one where Divine balances the St. Lucia crown of candles on her bouffant and sings "Adeste Fideles"?

CP: In this one, Divine — as Dawn Davenport — hates her Christmas gift (no cha-cha heels) and crushes her mom to death under the Yuletide tree. After which, Dawn storms off in a leather car coat and begins a life of crime.

RN: Bring it on. And then perhaps we could screen "Love Actually." I know how much you appreciate a good Advent-themed rom com. We can string popcorn for your tree. Or get out the glue gun and bedazzle a few Santa stockings for your mantel.

CP: You might be surprised at my crafts aptitude. My grandmother prized the pencil cup I made for her one Christmas from a Minute Maid can encrusted with gold-painted macaroni.

RN: Sweet. You might enjoy "Mame" — the version where Lucille Ball is shot through a veal cutlet-smeared lens — because it has that perky Jerry Herman song, "We Need a Little Christmas." I'll print the lyrics and we'll sing along.

CP: I think I saw you singing that in your car the other day at a stoplight near the office. Luckily, the windows were closed.

RN: No kidding. I sing like a rusty hinge. But come on, it's Christmas! Let's all make a joyful noise.

E-mail: witheringglance@startribune.com

Twitter: @claudepeck and @RickNelsonStrib