Rick Nelson and Claude Peck dispense unasked-for advice about clothing, etiquette, culture, relationships, grooming and more.
RN: How well would you score on a Famous Zingers pop quiz?
CP: Try me.
RN: Who took one look at William Hurt and observed, "You're not too smart, are you? I like that in a man"?
CP: What about this one, so cutting, so monosyllabic? "You were hot when?"
RN: "She runs the gamut of emotions, from A to B."
CP: "She is a peacock in everything but beauty."
RN: "There's a name for you ladies, but it isn't used in high society, outside of a kennel."
CP: "She might have meant something once, but I don't know many people my age who care."
RN: "In time you'll drop dead, and I'll come to your funeral in a red dress."
CP: "You are like the smell of drains / in a restaurant where pâté maison /is a slab of cold meatloaf / damp and woolly. / You lack charm."
RN: "Every word she writes is a lie, including 'and' and 'the.'"
CP: "He's so pathetic, poor thing. It's like a monkey with arthritis, trying to go onstage and look young."
RN: "You're too short for that gesture."
CP: "That's not writing, that's typing."
RN: "You smell like Craigslist."
CP: "I'm glad to see he skipped the Rapture, and was found on the floor of his office."
RN: "Oh, my God, look at you. Anyone else hurt in the accident?"
CP: "He's gayer than Ikea on Super Bowl Sunday."
RN: "She speaks five languages and can't act in any of them."
E-mail: witheringglance@ startribune.com. Twitter: @claudepeck and @RickNelsonStrib