Dear Amy: A week ago I got “matched” with a guy over Facebook (through a friend). I was told that I’m his type, and he’s definitely mine. We are both 19. We have messaged each other over Facebook almost every day for a week. He messages me only once a day, and it’s usually only a few lines. In desperation I asked him for his phone number. He ignored the question, but later on I gave him my number. He then replied, saying he didn’t want to swap numbers until he knew me better, but if we don’t talk, how can this happen?
A day later we had a longer exchange, which was nice, but nothing has gone further than that boring stuff like, “What do you do for work?” I feel we have a connection, but it’s not shining through enough (or at least not fast enough) for him to keep an interest in me. Sometimes I feel like I initiate everything.
When is the best time to ask to meet him? Do you think I’m overreacting? Do I need to make a different move to get things going?
Amy says: My major recommendation is for you to shove a little of your “cray cray” back in the bottle.
You are coming on way too strong. This guy is being honest with you, and you are responding by pouring on more pressure. He doesn’t want to talk by phone, and you are now thinking about how to manipulate him into meeting you? Yikes. You need to follow his lead and step away from Facebook long enough for him to wonder where you are.
Stop. Relax. Stop pushing. This is an opportunity to reflect on your own behavior. Read “He’s Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (Gallery, 2009), or watch the movie of the same name.
Mr. Testosterone gets uninvited
Dear Amy: You recently published my letter. I wondered how to deal with a guy tailgating with our group. (He sent out a group e-mail announcing that he had been unfaithful to his wife for years because of his “high testosterone” and that he was divorcing her.)
We had our first tailgate last Saturday, and it turns out that Mr. Testosterone has been uninvited by his friend who brought him into the group in the first place. I wasn’t the only one offended by the e-mail.
Our picnic tables will therefore be free of pond scum. But if I do cross paths with “Mr. T” in the stadium, I’ll ask to be removed from his e-mail list.
Amy says: I’m delighted to learn that this matter was settled so appropriately.
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