Ask Amy: Boyfriend wants to visit ex

Dear Amy: My boyfriend, "Dennis," has decided to go on a multi-city vacation alone while I'll be out of the country for work. One of the places he'll be stopping is a city where a woman he has been friends with for years lives. The two of them had a brief intimate relationship before he and I got together, but they never actually dated.

They have had a platonic relationship since then, but he and I broke up briefly months ago because he decided he wanted to be with her instead. He had a quick change of heart, and I gave him another chance.

Things have been really good between us for almost a year. He is really good to me, and I trust him.

I don't mind him seeing this woman or talking with her, but I am uneasy about the idea of his staying with her when he visits her city.

He says he'll get a hotel room if the situation makes me uncomfortable, but I don't want him to feel obligated to get a hotel room when he has a place to stay and doesn't have a lot of extra money to spend on a hotel.

I know you can't predict if anything will happen between them. Do you think I'm being naive by giving him the go-ahead to stay with her? Is this a decision I have to let him make?

UNSURE IN CHICAGO

Amy says: You could say, "Honey, this makes me uncomfortable for obvious reasons, but I'm not going to tell you what to do."

Your guy has put you in the tough position of being the "heavy" and dictating what his choice should be, but that's not fair to you. It could be time to take the trust you've built up out for a test drive.

If he's smart, he'll choose to stay in a hotel.

They wanted invites, too

Dear Amy: I am in seventh grade. I recently threw a birthday party in which I could only invite 22 people. Now kids at school are coming up to me saying, "Why didn't you invite me?"

I've told them I could only invite so many people, but apparently that's not enough for many of them because they say, "Well, I know you invited so-and-so and wonder why you didn't invite me."

I want to answer by screaming, "That's because he/she is a better friend!"

What should I do?

FRUSTRATED

Amy says: Please, don't scream.

When people ask why they weren't invited to your party, you can answer by saying, "I'm glad you wanted to be included, and I'm sorry I had to limit the guest list." If they ask why someone else was included, you can tell them you did your best and are sorry they feel left out. The trick here is to deflect someone else's rude questions by being unflappable and polite.

Restaurant probably has lost glasses

Dear Amy: I'm responding to the "Designated Reader," who reports that she is the only person in her circle of friends who ever has reading glasses with her.

A friend of mine told me about being in a dimly lit restaurant with 60ish people who were all having difficulty reading the menu.

The wait staff produced a bucket containing all the reading glasses that previous guests had left behind, and everyone found a pair that worked for them!

So Designated Reader need not carry around the gigantic magnifying glass you suggest -- the reading glasses are probably already there!

ANDREW

Amy says: Now I know where all of the lost reading glasses land. Up until now I assumed they had run off with the lost socks.

Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Av., Chicago, IL 60611.

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