Continued: Exchange does these families good

Seventeen days. That's how long it took a letter to reach Kathryn Bernal's mother in Chile 10 years ago when Kathryn was an exchange student living with the Wallace family of Anoka.

Now the Wallaces are hosting Kathryn's younger sister, Tete Escalona Bernal. The time to reach Mom on Tete's cell phone? About 17 seconds.

"It's nothing to say 'Hi' to her mom before she goes to school, or spend time talking to her friends or boyfriend at home," said Debbie Wallace. Her family has hosted four students through American Field Service (AFS), an educational exchange program that has sent high school students abroad and brought them into American homes since 1947. (Minnesota joined a decade later.) The program traces its roots to World War I, when American ambulance drivers in France set up an exchange as a way to contribute to world peace. More than 11,000 students and 50 countries participate annually.

Technology is one of several new challenges noted by veteran host families. The language barriers and hygiene issues of yesterday are being replaced by Facebook-fluent foreign students who take far longer to cut their hometown ties and dig into American culture.

"Problems seem more quickly addressed," Wallace said of the new crop of kids, "but not necessarily worked out independently."

In addition, a growing number of affluent families overseas are packing unreasonable expectations about just how much traveling and entertaining their American hosts should offer their child. And, for the first time, some surprised hosts have found themselves entertaining visiting parents in the middle of the school year.

"It was awkward, but mostly for his parents," said AFS host Michelle Riley of Minneapolis. "It" was a one-week visit several winters ago from the parents of the Rileys' 17-year-old Italian exchange student. His parents, Riley said, were surprised to see how quickly their son had adapted to American culture -- and to his host family. "His parents wanted him to stay at their hotel," Riley said, "and he was saying, 'But I have practice after school. I want to stay at home.'"

Riley laughs about it now, but acknowledges that things are certainly different from when she was an exchange student to Japan in 1984, and even since her family hosted their first exchange student, from the Czech Republic, in 1997.

The young man spoke very little English, arrived with a suitcase full of "really tight jeans" during the cargo pants craze, and had a different idea about what constituted proper hygiene.

"My husband gently showed him deodorant and how to use it. He told him, 'It's your first day of school. You have to make a good impression.' He was a really good kid and, by Christmas, he was really coming around with his language skills and getting connected with kids."

Peace through understanding

In 2002, propelled by Sept. 11, AFS became affiliated with a U.S. State Department program called YES (Youth Exchange and Study). The YES program brings high-school students from Muslim countries, including Turkey, Saudi Arabia, India and Egypt.

Like other AFS programs, students live with a host family, but undergo more rigorous preparation and are treated to special events throughout the year, such as a trip to the nation's capital, said Rick Landrum, AFS regional director in St. Paul.

YES has its own challenges, Landrum noted. Dogs, for example, can cause problems for students coming from countries where this popular pet is considered unclean. "If they're placed with a family with a dog," Landrum said, "the student will have his or her own 'clean' room where the dog cannot enter."

Food issues crop up, too. "We will not place a student with a family who says, 'We'll have pork and that's it.' But it is a challenge, in that it reduces the number of families in the pool. But these students are so great that we have a lot of YES repeats. It's that initial breakthrough that is a challenge."

Mismatches happen

Sometimes, there is no breakthrough. Despite an exhaustive application and interview process, the chemistry between student and host family can just be off. Coordinators do everything they can to find solutions. Often it's nothing more than adjustment jitters on both sides. But about one-fourth of the students are moved to another family. In rare cases, students fly home early.

Michelle Corrigan's first experience with AFS 20 years ago was almost her last. Her husband, Wayne, spotted a posting for host families in their church bulletin. The parents of three girls, they eagerly signed up. But the teenage girl from Spain had "personality conflicts" with her girls and was moved to another family midway through the year. She did very well after that. The Corrigans tried again a few years later, and have since successfully hosted 14 students.

Corrigan, an occupational health nurse for HealthPartners, agrees with Riley that technology poses new challenges. "More kids are connected, and have just never mentally left home," she said. But she's hesitant to take the computer away. Instead, she asks the students: What are your goals while you're here? Learning the language? Meeting people? Going to school? If so, maybe it's a good idea to put some time limits on the gadgets.

While travel has never been part of its mission, she noted that AFS is rolling with the times. For the first time, the program will offer current students a few optional bus excursions over spring break and when school is out for summer. The tours will be operated by an outside company to destinations including Washington, D.C., and New York City. The exchange students' parents must give written approval -- and foot the bill.

"It's too soon to say if this will become a regular event at AFS," said spokeswoman Marlene Baker.

But host families say the exchange experience is plenty wonderful for students willing to go no farther than their new back yard. "We love showing them our city, what our schools are like, our culture," said Riley.

Many hosts refer to their exchange students as "our adopted kids." Several have traveled overseas to attend weddings or meet new babies. Last March, the Rileys held a reunion in Germany with five of their former eight exchange students. "Jonathan has grown up with these people as a part of his life," Riley said. Now it's Jonathan's turn. The 16-year-old is leaving for Japan with AFS in March.

"It's just a wonderful experience," Corrigan agrees. "Even with the challenges, you definitely view the world differently. It just changes your whole perspective."

Gail Rosenblum • 612-673-7350