Ask Amy: 'No gifts' means no gifts

By AMY DICKINSON

Last update: November 7, 2009 - 5:03 PM

Dear Amy: I received an invitation to "celebrate a marriage with dinner and dance." This is a second marriage for both bride and groom. Along with the invitation was a note saying, "No gifts, please."

Does this mean cash only?

I've never received this type of invitation before so I thought I better ask you.

CONFUSED

Amy says: Your query illustrates why marrying couples sometimes feel that they just can't win. If they have a second wedding permitting gifts, they are criticized for "gift-grabbing," and yet the exceedingly simple instruction, "No gifts, please," seems to bring on a profound level of confusion.

So, let me explain those three little words. "No gifts, please" means ... no gifts, please. No crockpots, no checks, no donations to the charity of the couple's choosing. No gifts. Period.

This generous couple are trying to include you in their marriage celebration. Your gift to them should be to show up, have a wonderful time, dance the Macarena and engage in chitchat with them and their friends and relatives.

Afterward, you should send them a note thanking them for hosting the event and wishing them all the best in their new life.

Real estate agent on divorce

Dear Amy: I am a real estate agent, and in one week I showed rental properties to three families who were about to get divorced.

In two of the cases, one of the parties had cheated on their spouse and now the family home was being sold and all the parties moving to smaller places.

Watching the reality set in was heartbreaking. They were leaving lovely homes where their children were happily growing up and moving to a much lesser situation, due to some poor choices.

I think that before people think about getting a divorce or having that affair, they should go out and look at apartments and picture where the kids might be sleeping or how lonely they would be in an apartment away from their family.

The grass is not always greener on the other side.

EILEEN IN CONNECTICUT

Amy says: Thank you for the sobering reflection from the underside of the real estate bust.

But it's important to remember that just as divorce renders families asunder and forces them to live in reduced circumstances, not all intact families are happy.

Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Av., Chicago, IL 60611.

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