Time for an official 'coming out'?

By AMY DICKINSON

Last update: November 4, 2009 - 12:10 PM

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Dear Amy: I'm a 24-year-old gay male. I have been "out" to my immediate family for about five years now.

My family is very supportive and open about my sexual orientation when it's just the four of us, but I haven't told everyone in my extended family.

My sister tells me, "Your sexuality is none of their business," but to me, it's a lot more than that. It's part of my story.

They don't understand what it's like to feel like you're hiding something from people.

It affects my behavior and my relatives' behavior, too.

My cousin told me that everyone already knows and that everyone loves and accepts me. But can I still officially come out to everyone, or is it not appropriate?

LUCKY GAY

Amy says: Thanksgiving is coming up. Surely, your family will be gathering for dinner.

You could handle this quickly and give everyone a memorable holiday experience by saying, "Please pass the cranberry relish, and by the way I'm officially gay!"

I'm kidding, of course.

I'm with your sister, that (except for people you are sexual with) your sexuality -- anyone's sexuality -- is no one's business. However, you sound very eager to disclose this, and I can understand your desire to be completely authentic with your family.

I give you permission to "officially come out" and then get on with your life.

I'd love to hear from readers with suggestions about the best way to do this.

Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Av., Chicago, IL 60611.

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