Dear Amy: I met “Cindy” at my workplace about a month ago. I am in my 40s, and she is 36. She has three daughters who live with her; I have met them briefly. Her oldest is 18.
Her husband left, and she blames herself. She has had two serious relationships in the past 12 years.
I asked her what she wants in life. She says she is lonely and wants a guy she can marry. She wants to be happy forever.
We have slept together twice. We have lunch together Monday through Friday. We tell each other that we love each other and want to have “our” worlds together.
I have been honest with her that I live with my ex-girlfriend. My ex and I have been broken up for a while and live as roommates.
I sent Cindy a text asking if I moved out of my house, could I come live with her and her girls? And she responded that it would be awesome.
I show her that I am not like the other guys she has had in the past. I call and text her, but over the weekends she doesn’t answer. She likes to go out with her friends alone (she drives them, or so she says).
Now I do not know what to do. I am confused, hurt, frustrated and lonely without her.
I know I love her and want a future with her. I tell her I just want love, honesty, respect and communication. Can she just not commit, or is she scared? What do I do now?
Amy says: Stand down, Romeo. You are coming on very strong, very quickly.
You have no business asking someone you have known for a month if you can move in with her and her daughters. No good mom would even consider this, and even though she told you this would be “awesome,” your aggression might be freaking her out. Because you work together, this whole relationship has the potential to damage both of you professionally as well as personally, unless you slow down.
If you are seriously interested in communication, you will have to figure out how to translate your intense interest into listening (and reading other nonverbal cues) rather than talking.
Dear Amy: My father passed away, and it was his wish not to have an obituary published. Nor did he want any type of funeral service.
He was cremated, and we have his ashes, yet our family feels a lack of closure without some type of memorial.
I have thought about hosting a “life celebration” or “remembrance gathering” that would allow us to meet with immediate and extended family and friends, but are we going against his wishes?