Ask Amy: Can workplace romance work out?

Dear Amy: I have a really good job that I truly love. The company I work for allows employees to learn other jobs. I recently started learning a new position, and I have developed a crush on the person who is training me.

There is a big age difference (about 12 years). I never have dated anyone I work with, and I am not sure if it is a good idea.

WONDERING AT WORK

Amy says: Before you make any sudden moves, check your company's policy about workplace relationships. For instance, if your crush is in a supervisory position or will become your supervisor after your training, a romance with him could mean that you will be reassigned.

If the two of you are single, then by all means let your crush grow, but do so with the knowledge that there are inevitable consequences.

If you two hit it off, then the age factor won't be insurmountable.

Dear Amy: I have been dating a wonderful man for almost six years. He had been a widower for nine years, and I had been a widow for five years. We were on cloud nine when we met.

The problem has been his grown children. The oldest son (age 49) and his family had a very close relationship with his father, but now he is distant. He has told his father he cannot see him with anyone but his mother.

His relationship with his grown daughter and her kids has also been strained. They won't even say hello to me.

I feel very stressed when we have to be with his family. I feel they have no respect for their father or for me.

Now I feel as if my feelings for him are waning. I guess I feel angry that he didn't put his foot down and tell them he is entitled to a life.

ANGIE

Amy says: After six years of this poor treatment and outright rudeness, it's long past time to bring down the velvet hammer.

Your guy should never have tolerated this from his adult children.

Your guy needs to tell his kids that you are in his life and that they must treat you with respect. I can understand why his reluctance to do so would affect your feelings for him. You don't need to say, "It's me or your kids," but you should tell him that things need to change because your relationship is at stake.

Dear Amy: I hope you'll welcome one more letter about excluding stepparents from special occasions.

My daughter's father has been married five times -- once before me and three times after me.

At her wedding, my daughter had one stepfather (my husband), one stepmother (her dad's current wife), one ex-stepmother, one stepgrandmother, two stepaunts, two half-sisters, two stepsisters and two stepbrothers.

We all had a ball, and my ex-husband's fourth wife and I joked with his current wife that she was not a member of our "ex-wives club" ... yet.

My daughter has never considered any of her relatives as anything but brothers, sisters, other mothers, aunts, uncles and grandparents, no matter who they are related to by blood, and she would never have considered excluding any of them from her special day.

PROUD MOTHER (AND STEPMOTHER)

Amy says: In addition to noting the remarkable way you all get along, one thing that is quite evident from your daughter's family structure is her father's excellent taste in women. Way to go!

Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Av., Chicago, IL 60611.