Ask Amy: Teen's mom can open door to alternative

Dear Amy: I am a frustrated mom. My 14-year-old daughter, "Amber," frequently wants to hang out with "Tiffany." Tiffany is always home alone after school because her mom and stepfather both work. Her folks left her on her own once for an entire weekend while they went to Colorado.

Amber has told me that Tiffany does drugs. There have been times I've been with Tiffany when I've wondered if she were high. The problem is that Amber increasingly wants to hang out with Tiffany at her house after school. I told her I don't like her spending so much time at Tiffany's because she does drugs and is unsupervised.

I have made the commitment to stay at home with my teenagers to oversee their activities. I think parents should be more watchful over their kids during these crucial years. I don't think Tiffany's parents have a clue that their daughter is involved in drugs.

I wish that I could make them aware of this but don't know how to approach them about it. Amber really wants to be friends with this girl. Amy, how can I handle this situation?

A LOVING MOTHER

Amy says: I admire your commitment to stay home and supervise your daughter, so it's somewhat surprising that you aren't actually doing so.

Of course "Amber" wants to hang out at "Tiffany's" house. But your answer should be "no." Your daughter has provided you with ample evidence of why the environment at Tiffany's house is unhealthy -- I'm sure that on some level she wonders why you continue to let her go there at all.

If Amber wants to hang out with Tiffany, it should be at your home. Both girls should be encouraged to participate in activities after school -- thereby eliminating unsupervised hanging out as an after-school option.

You have an opportunity to be a positive influence on this girl, and while it's not your responsibility to raise her, I hope you'll at least try to help her.

If you spend time with Tiffany and she seems to be high, then you should call her parents and share your impressions and concerns with them.

Dear Amy: I know groomswomen have become a more acceptable option as part of the wedding party, and I'm all for my man being able to ask the people who have supported him the most to stand up with him on the special day. However, I was a little thrown when my fiancé said he wanted not one, but three groomswomen.

It seems shallow, but I am worried about the aesthetics of the situation. Eight women and two men in the wedding party seem dreadfully lopsided. What will they wear? How will they process down the aisle?

A piece of me is also a little concerned about what people will think. What should I do?

ENGAGED IN CALIFORNIA

Amy says: It's about time for marrying couples to tear down the gender walls when deciding who will stand on their side of the aisle on their wedding day. This is happening more often, and I like it.

You could redress your wedding's gender imbalance by choosing a couple of men to stand with you, but mainly I hope you'll embrace this situation and not worry about it too much. Ask the female ushers to wear outfits compatible in color with the male ushers (a black dress perhaps if the male ushers are wearing tuxes).

Your guests will think this is wonderful and cool unless you telegraph that it is somehow unacceptable. On your wedding day, your guests' only job is to share in your happiness and embrace your choices.

Send questions via e-mail to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Av., Chicago, IL 60611.

Dear Amy: Would you ask your female readers for their advice for a 50-year-old man who has male pattern baldness?

What would be the best way to wear my hair? Should I get a transplant, shave my head, cut it short and grow a beard, etc.?

I'm single and can't buy a girlfriend, please help!

D.C. IN OKLA.

Amy says: Please -- no transplant!

You should crop whatever hair you have short and spend the time you might otherwise spend growing a beard working on your confidence and self-esteem. People are attracted to people who think they're attractive.