A Mother's Day dilemma

Dear Amy: I never know what to do on Mother's Day.

I have a great mom and a great stepmom, both of whom had a real hand in raising me.

Every Mother's Day I feel really guilty because, no matter what I do, I don't feel I'm giving the right "mom" the right kind of attention. If I go out to lunch with my mother on that day, I feel awful because I feel I'm neglecting my stepmother, and visa versa.

Are there "rules" about who should get what kind of attention on this day?

MAMA MIA

Amy says: The reality of our lives has accelerated past anyone's ability to make "rules" to follow.

Mainly, Mother's Day is a day to celebrate connections and relationships with the mothers in your life.

Of course, it depends on the particulars of your own relationship, but in my view if you can't spend time with both mothers on that day and have to choose between them, you should definitely make time for the woman who gave birth to you.

Don't forget your stepmother, though. A card with a note telling her what she means to you would mean a lot to her, I'm sure.

Dear Amy: A good friend of mine will be celebrating his 28th birthday soon.

We have very different feelings about birthday celebrations. I believe that past the age of 12, and with the exception of certain landmark birthdays, a formal celebration is not necessary.

My friend thinks differently. Every year he asks several friends to do something in honor of his birth, be it a trip to Las Vegas or a night out on the town.

This year, he wants a group of us to take him to a fancy restaurant. I'm willing to bite the bullet and cough up some dough for the sake of our friendship, but how can I get the message across that his expectations are unreasonable?

ANNOYED IN ARIZONA

Amy says: While a 28th birthday doesn't exactly scream "Vegas road trip!" to me (or you), you've got to hand it to your friend -- he sure does love the fact that he was born.

If you don't like the way this particular celebration is shaping up, say, "Happy birthday, my friend, but I just can't afford the big celebration this year." Don't let your pal pressure you into doing something you don't want or can't afford to do.

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