This blog covers everything except sports and gardening, unless we find a really good link about using dead professional bowlers for mulch. The author is a StarTribune columnist, has been passing off fiction and hyperbole as insight since 1997, has run his own website since the Jurassic era of AOL, and was online when today’s college sophomores were a year away from being born. So get off his lawn.
And now: the stupidest thing you’ll read today. Unless you spend your afternoon on YouTube comment pages.
Courtesy of Deadline, the Coen brothers will act as executive producers on the series – to be scripted by Noah Hawley (Bones) – and will only be loosely based on the film. The 1996 dark comedy followed a faux criminal plot gone wrong with Frances McDormand as a jovial, pregnant police chief from Minnesota trying to track down a couple of criminals (Steve Buscemi and Peter Stormare) responsible for the death of a policeman and the (staged) kidnapping of a car salesman’s (William H. Macy) wife.
It’s hard to see how that might be adapted into an entire series, so I’m betting the show will merely follow some police officers working in or around the town of Fargo, North Dakota.
Sigh. Yes indeed, that’s how you do a TV version of the movie, all right. Two cops at West Acres Mall or perhaps checking out a drunk at the Red River Lanes up by Northport dere, ya.
“FARGO” WAS NOT ABOUT FARGO. Doesn’t help that the Fargo theater has a statue of Marge, carved from a tree trunk, but still.
That is not the stupidest thing you’ll read all day. Let's continue.
BEGUN, THE PIZZA WARS HAVE Even the most mundane business story can tell you something that comes as an utter surprise. This USA Today piece on Domino’s forthcoming pan pizza, for example. Oh, sure, we knew they’d tried it before. We knew Pizza Hut currently has that line of pies sewed up tight. We knew that Domino’s has been rejuvenated since they changed their recipe from “inedible” to “you’d order it again without wincing.” (The last time I ordered from Domino’s, I requested extra sauce, and got a pizza from which all sauce had been expertly extracted, which will put me off the brand until kids are over and clamor for it again.) But then you read the comments:
Why doesn't Dominos and Pizza Hut offer french fries with their pies. All pizza shops in Canada offer french fries, it's a natural with pizza?????
It is? Really?
This led to a google search for “Canadian Pizza Chains,” which someone seems to sum up this day completely. So, dear, what did you do today? I googled Canadian Pizza Chains. I found a few that had fries on the menu. Poutine, too. If you’re eating pizza and poutine you really don’t care, do you? No. But then I landed here, and discovered a food I’d never heard of: the Donair.
It’s a gyro, but up there they call it a donair. You learn something every day. Useless, but something.
Here’s another thing I learned today: China, which has an kleptomaniacal attitude towards intellectual property, makes a fake Sharpie.
Ermagerd, Skerples! Note how the highlight cleaves the l so it looks like a dotted i, just like a Sharpie. Brilliant!
1900 Here’s another cartoon from the 1900 Minneapolis Tribune Cartoon Book. If I understand this right, the cartoonist is applauding the military’s removal of the Cuban Assembly, which means it gets $3,000,000 from the American government.
In related news, inasmuch as there’s war involved: Apple’s App store has turned down a game that violated a plank in its “Violence” rules. Pockettactics.com says:
According to my colleagues at Information Retrieval, section 15 is the “Violence” guideline, and subsection 3 states the following:
15.3 “Enemies” within the context of a game cannot solely target a specific race, culture, a real government or corporation, or any other real entity.
In order to satisfy the regulators, Sincock has had to resubmit Pacific Fleet sans Japanese flags. Let that sink in for a moment. A game based on somewhat well-known conflict (World War Two, was it?) that cannot feature the flags of one of the combatant states. The mind boggles.
And that is the stupidest thing you’ll read today.
PSYCHOLOGY The reason some people don’t like the way some people drive their bikes? It has nothing to do with reason.
Now, you might be thinking to yourself that you’ve seen more than one or two suicidal cyclists in your day—that these roaches on two wheels are an infestation that’s practically begging to be squished underfoot (and by “foot” you mean “my Yukon Denali”).
First off—wow, that is disturbingly violent.
Those were your words and images, pal. He goes on to note that people blame all cyclists because of a few cyclists, and have an illogical objection to their presence and behavor because we’re consulting our emotions, not our cold clear reason. This must be true because behaviorial economists have a name for it!
You can sum up the entire debate in this South African Fiat Ad. It’s completely unrealistic, but it strikes a chord. There’s so much car-touching disrespect it’s hard to bear:
Of course, the cyciist is stopping at every sign, which is ridiculous.