Fancy Ray awaits a phone call from Symbolina's lawyers. "I've got another potential lawsuit on my hands," Fancy Ray McCloney nearly cooed. Prince is the subject of the fancy pitchman's newest TV commercial for Nicollet Village Video. To date, this is the best commercial out of Chocolate Orchid Productions, perhaps because it's not a stretch. Since his former cable show, Ray has made a living of being a cross among Prince, James Brown and Little Richard. "Wait till you see how much I look like him," Ray said before delivering a tape. The viewing public should be able to tell the difference. But Ray's got the Prince's old hairstyle, dandy suit and ruffled shirt down to all the fibers involved. (Blessedly, the ruffles on the shirt conceal a view of Ray's birdlike chest.) He even crawls across the floor a la Prince's "When Doves Cry" video and mimicks the coquettishly sucked in (facial) cheeks and flirty eye moves. "He's ripe for parody," said Ray. But I thought Ray worshipped Prince. "Nah. Other than you, my worshiping stops." (Make guttural noise and roll eyes here.) "Muhammad Ali, Liberace, those are my heroes,' he said. "Prince, I admire. This thing [commercial] just works." Ray realizes that the public gets "tired of seeing so much Fancy Ray. So we've got the Miss Cleo and Don King and the Crocodile Hunter." Speaking of whom, Fancy Ray has not heard anything more from Steve Irwin's lawyer since the Crocodile Fancy commercial was pulled by the client, a sex-oriented book and video store. The Prince parody "shows the creative genius behind what I do," said Fancy Ray. "That's the same thing that is going to propel me to where I'm going." Wasn't he suppose to be gone a long time ago? "You sound like my mom right now." Go, already. You say you're leaving, so let's see a rear end disappearing into the distance. "Wait until you see the commercial," he said. Yes, the Prince parody says goodbye from behind, thankfully without an assist from Prince's famous buttless breeches.

Pitch, pitch, pitch

Fancy Ray, former Vikings Benchwarmer Bob Lurtsema, attorney Jack Prescott and 2nd Wind Exercise Equipment stores owner Dick Enrico are the subject of a local pitchmen segment KARE-11 scheduled to run today.

Some straight talk

Ron Pitts seemed really proud of hisself on Nicollet Mall. The Fox Sports sideline reporter was spied walking with guys, and a pesky gossip doubled back to introduce herself and ask Pitts whether he remembered his phone call to her. (Whew, it was about six years ago, I see from my files.) Pitts looked puzzled, so I further identified myself as the person who sent the note informing him that there was no such word as hisself. (This will be a hoot to the grammar police, who are always on my case for writing the way people speak.) There was such silence that I thought better of reminding him of the huffy message he left on my Tipsline and instead decided to double-check my celebrity sighting. Pitts is now sporting a predreadlock do instead of the close crop worn during other trips to cover Vikings games. "Pitts?" I asked. Right, he confirmed. When asked whether he was still using hisself, Pitts said, "No, I don't!" with all the attitude of a cohost on BET's "Oh, Drama!"

Back at ya, Keillor

Garrison Keillor is catching flak for his Salon.com attack on Sen.-elect Norm Coleman. "Norm got a free ride from the press," Keillor writes of the "slick retail campaigner, the grabbiest and touchingest and feelingest politician in Minnesota history." Keillor goes on to talk in code about Coleman's personal life. "Amazing he didn't write this back when Coleman was a Democrat," reads one message posted on Salon.com. It's even more amazing when you recall that Keillor was so protective of his personal life that he moved from St. Paul to New York City and then out of the country. Admittedly, he's come a long way since then. In March, Keillor penned a piece about his Ramsey Hill manse for Traditional Home mag, which included a photo of him and his daughter. The Coleman attack seems like unequal treatment to those who can't recall Keillor picking apart President Bill Clinton's bad behavior. We do, however, vividly recall Keillor's ex-wife Ulla Skaerved's open letter to Keillor that took exception to his yarns suggesting they were together: "The truth is that the marriage ended two years ago when you moved in with another woman." Keillor probably is right when he says, "The next six years are not going to be kind to Norm." Media from NYC and DC, I predict, will show no mercy for the zone of privacy desired by Norm and his actor-model wife, Laurie Coleman. Until then, right-leaning radio show host Jason Lewis, of KSTP-AM, has this advice: "If you're going to make innuendo and rumor, as Keillor did in the column, you go ahead and make the charge. . . . And if you can't, shut up."

They heard, ignored

Finally, acknowledgment that Norm and Laurie Coleman and their media agent ignored my repeated calls seeking their side of a complaint to WCCO-TV political reporter Pat Kessler after he said Laurie was "visiting" from California: "Hey, C.J., Leslie Kupchella calling the day after the election, Wednesday night, I guess it is 7 o'clock. Just wanted to get back to you on the call you had left me and the message I think you had left at the Coleman house. Bottom line: Laurie will not be making any comment on the matter that you had called about. So that's where we're at. She will not be commenting or discussing that. Thanks a lot. Catch you later." I now await from Kupchella/Coleman reaction to 1) Salon.com 2) reports that Laurie may try to work out of NYC instead of L.A. 3) talk about the future of husband Rick Kupchella's career at KARE-11. The buzz is that Leslie is definitely going to D.C., although on Tuesday Rick was saying no decision had been made.

-- C.J. is at 612-332-TIPS or

at cj@startribune.com, where she never opens attachments. So don't even try.