An embarrassment of rich lessons

'Never eat a bean burrito before you go to the movies."

"Never stick red-hots up your nose."

"Bikinis may be cute, but they sure don't float."

For November, Mindworks asked students "Describe your most embarrassing moment and share what you learned from it." More than 4,000 students from Minnesota and Wisconsin divulged stories of the situations that made their palms sweat, their faces flush and inspired fantasies of disappearing.

The stories included situations involving falling, getting stuck, irrational exuberance, wardrobe malfunctions, uncontrolled flatulence, static cling and Mom's thong underwear. Some of the stories were pure slapstick: bathing suits or pants lost due to waterskiing or prank, fingers stuck in bowling balls, skirt hems tucked into panties.

Others had a more serious tone, such as the boy who was taunted when he came to school speaking only Russian, the girl who was teased because her poetry assignment reflected her fear of dying, the boy who was stripped of senior privileges because he was a half-credit short of completing his junior year, the girl who had an asthma attack during a football game and realized she didn't have her inhaler.

Sometimes the embarrassing moment was completely out of the writer's control. Many students wrote vividly about the times they vomited at school, at the movies, at the amusement park and many other places. Others wrote about teachers who wouldn't let them take a bathroom break and the incidents that followed. Parents and grandparents played a big role, kissing them in public, dancing, making outlandish pronouncements, ogling other parents or grandparents, or wearing curlers and bathrobes in public.

Several students at alternative schools or schools that serve special education students wrote that they were embarrassed to be there.

Other times, the moment was a direct result of the writer's recklessness, vanity or poor judgment. Several wrote about crashing four-wheelers, bikes and other vehicles because they were going too fast or failed to pay attention. One boy wrote that he was bawled out because his friend passed the rap for hurling crabapples at a passing car. Several girls wrote of how they came to regret wearing spike heels or short skirts. One student wrote that his teacher ripped up his math test when he was caught cheating.

It was clear that the severity of the humiliation depended upon who was there to witness it. Lots of students wrote about being embarrassed in front of their families and friends, but the worst situations tended to involve sweethearts and crushes. One girl wrote about hiding a luscious chocolate cupcake inside the desk of her secret crush, only to watch him dump his books on top of it, then extricate them from the sticky mess. A boy wrote about telling a first-grade classmate he loved her, only to be ambushed by all the other girls in class, who demanded why he didn't choose them.

Despite the pain these incidents clearly caused, students seemed pretty comfortable sharing them. Still, there were those who refused, on principle, to answer the question. Kaitlyn Anderson, 12, of Emerson Spanish Immersion School in Minneapolis, wrote: "I don't think you should publish 'most embarrassing moments' papers because who would want to talk about the scene that could have ruined their lives? Most biographies talk about the things that people have accomplished in their lives, not the things they didn't accomplish or got into trouble for."

Still, most students were removed enough to be philosophical about their humiliation. Aubrey Borgen, 11, of Andover, told a story about getting on the wrong bus after school.

"I didn't learn much from that," she wrote. "But I have learned something from all of my embarrassing moments. Don't laugh at people when they do something wrong. It just makes them more embarrassed! So just remember that everyone makes mistakes."

Maria Elena Baca • 612-673-4409