Safely ensconced in hermetically sealed skyboxes, the media and U administration keep assuring us that the advent of alcohol at Gopher football games is taking place "without incident." They should try sitting in the stands with the rest of us.

We had beer spilled on us three times; a fight broke out in the row behind us over the unspeakable sin of wearing a nonmaroon visor, and those of us who spent the better part of the entire game trying to keep the peace received multiple offers to have our faces rearranged.

TCF Bank Stadium stands alone in the dry Big Ten as a result of rare bipartisan legislative action. Republicans decreed that the freedom to be a sloppy public drunk is as sacrosanct as the right the bear arms. Democrats demanded equity for every potential drunk so that no section is safe for those of us more interested in cheering on the Gophers than in reliving our frat days.

The regents did their part by adopting inane policies that encourage unrestrained, two-fisted binge drinking. Even the sleaziest bars have bouncers. If the nonexistent security forces ever bothered to wander through the stands, we would have been glad to point out the perpetual drunks.

But enough is enough. We just listed the remainder of our tickets on Craigslist. There are far better ways to spend a Saturday afternoon in Minnesota.