Working With Difficult Co-Workers

As the saying goes, "you can't pick your parents." For the most part, you can't pick your co-workers either, and sometimes co-workers just don't get along. A couple of experts in the field agree that when dealing with difficult co-workers, it's important to remain calm and assess the situation before speaking, and then do so in private.

By Nancy Crotti, Star Tribune Sales and Marketing

Last update: April 29, 2009 - 10:57 AM

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Carolyn Jacobson, senior director of organizational development and learning for Fairview Health Systems, says Fairview periodically conducts workshops on this topic for employees, preferably before an issue arises.

Look For The Good Stuff

Jacobson recommends looking for areas in which you agree with your co-worker, then moving on to discuss the disagreement, using "I" statements such as, "I believe" or "I feel" rather than accusatory statements. She also advises employees to remember that there may only be one issue they find difficult with that person, rather than finding the entire person disagreeable.

"It helps you to say, `What are we really talking about here?' It allows you to address the situation a bit more clearly, instead of doing name-calling," Jacobson says.

Remember Your Part

She and Penny Pergament, a clinical psychologist with Allina Health Services, also recommend that the employee who is upset with another consider what part they may have had in creating the situation. "When we deal with people who are difficult, it's our tendency to get defensive," says Pergament. "You always want to be respectful, and I always assume I have some part in it until proven differently."

If the co-worker does not want to deal with you, Pergament suggests quietly addressing the situation with a supervisor.

Jacobson says workers may also want to consider whether the disagreement has arisen from a cultural misunderstanding, a rash judgment or assumption. If that's the case, a calm discussion is even more important. "We don't have to fix everyone; not everyone has to like us," she says. "We need to learn how to work with everyone in a respectful environment."

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