Someone has made a straight-to-DVD movie about the search for the Ivory-billed Woodpecker. An independent film, a mockumentary billed as a “super-comedy,” it’s entitled “Woodpecker.” Netflix told me there was a long wait. The film arrived two days after I ordered it. I suspect that other would-be viewers watched five minutes of it, then jammed the DVD into the mailing sleeve and raced to the post office. The film isn’t funny. It’s pathetic. It lives on every mossy cliché you’ve ever heard about birders. The two main characters (in every nuance of the word) reminded me of Silent Bob and Jay, except they’re in a canoe, not a convenience store, and they're not stoned (well, maybe). I did laugh when the hero hid in a hollow tree and couldn’t get out. Unfortunately, he did.