There have been a lot of questions about instant runoff voting. What is it, how does it work, who's on first, does this mole look odd, why can't I just text in my vote like I do on "American Idol," and so on. Well, let's start by re-examining the previous election.

Old style: You got one vote, which was added to all the other votes. If you voted for two people, you had to ask for another ballot, and get the hairy eyeball from an election judge who acts as if she was up all night hand-lettering the things. If you submitted a ballot with two votes it would be tossed out -- unless it was a close election, and a lawyer could convince a judge that your notation of NO SORRY DIDNT MEAN THIS GUY I HATE HIM I HOPE HE GETS EATEN BY WEASALS could be construed as "inconclusive" because you misspelled "weasels."

Whoever got the most votes wins. But if the race is really close, lawyers drop from the sky in numbers that blot out the sun and argue until the courts, relying on the precedents set down in Eeny Meanie vs. Minie Moe, make a wise and careful decision. That's the way it used to be, and we all learned a very important lesson: VOTE ONCE.

The new style: You get lots of votes! If you're from Chicago, you're wondering: So? We've had that for years. No, this is different: You can rank the candidate in order of preference. But what if I don't like the others? you say. What if it's a choice between the DFL, the GOP and the Cthulu Party, which wants to waken the nameless horrors who have slumbered before time began and consume all souls in a ghastly feast that hastens the reign of eternal darkness? And privatize parking meters? I don't want to vote for them! Don't make me!

So don't. Man, the crybabies we get around election time. Look, it's all about making sure your next-best choice has a shot. You can say, I like candidate X best, but if you held a gun to my head and said X can't make it, he's decided not to run for mayor but open a Chuck E. Cheese's pizza franchise in Maple Grove, you'd say, well, I'd like Y.

But what if Y's not going to win, because either A) he didn't get enough votes, or B) he also decided to open a Chuck E. Cheese's franchise? What then? Well, it's possible two pizza franchises could survive if they were in different retail centers with different demographics -- say, a strip mall anchored with a midlevel clothier like the Gap, and a lifestyle center that had a Banana Republic. Ah, but aren't the Gap and Banana Republic owned by the same company? Yes, and they also own Old Navy. So you could write in Old Navy as your third choice, and --

No, this isn't helping. Think of it like this. You're voting for a senator. Your choices are Lady Gaga, the Lizard People and Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion. If there's a clear majority for Ms. Gaga, she's the senator, and will have to buy some pants. If there's no majority, the one who got the fewest votes is thrown out -- say, Newton's Third Law is eliminated, and reciprocal action no longer exists as a universal constant. Tough beans; that's politics. Since your second choice was the Lizard People, these votes are added to the votes of people whose first choice was the Lizard People, and we all end up being represented in the Senate by shape-shifting reptiles from the planet Gorn. Hell of a fate, but that's democracy, and given Congress' approval rating, I think many agree it's time to give the Scaly-American community a shot.

Oh, you're just being alarmist, you say. It works just fine in cities as enlightened as Minneapolis. Well, Tacoma managed to repeal Newton's first law in a school-board election last year, and now objects that were previously at rest are flying all over the place.

So be careful. That's all. Happy voting! Or bored voting. Or angry voting, Rank in order of your preference.

jlileks@startribune.com • 612-673-7858 More daily at www.startribune.com/buzz.