Hi, Bob! "Roast of Bob Saget" (9 p.m. Sunday, COM) is supposed to allow the likes of Cloris Leachman, John Stamos and Gilbert Gottfried the opportunity to rip the old "Full House" veteran, but early word on this previously taped special is that the Olsen twins took the brunt of the insults. Neither supposedly appeared, although there's always the chance they were seated behind Jeff Garlin and nobody spotted them. Ba-dum!

Grid lock If the Olympics aren't your speed (man, that table tennis looks strenuous) then tune in to the cutthroat, sweat-dripping competitive world of "The 2008 National School Scrabble Championship" (2 p.m. Saturday, ESPN), in which 100 teams of young wordsmiths compete to see who can land on the mighty valuable triple-point spaces.

Chop fooey David Carradine plays a martial-arts expert for the 3,402nd time in "Kung Fu Killer" (9 p.m. Sunday and Monday, Spike), a two-part movie that also features Daryl Hannah as a butt-kicking lounge singer. Quite frankly, we'd be a little more curious if the roles were reversed.

Noth goes south Jack Bauer learned not to mess with Leslie Hope, the woman who "killed" his wife on "24." Now it's Chris Noth's turn. Mr. Big takes on the actress in "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" (8 p.m. Sunday, USA), and since this is his last episode as Detective Mike Logan, we're guessing the results aren't so good. We'll miss Noth, but we're pumped about his replacement: Jeff Goldblum.

NEAL JUSTIN