Cheese it

 Admit it: We love cheese. Not those deep-fried things at the State Fair or something with a foreign name served with wine. I'm talking cheesy entertainment.  "Dancing With the Stars," B-movies, Wayne Newton -- you name it.  At the top of the cheesy pop list is ABBA, whose music fuels the Meryl Streep film "Mamma Mia!" that opens today.  Here is a look at a baker's dozen of pop cheese -- and why we love them.

1. ABBA

As efficiently constructed as vehicles from the Volvo assembly line, the Swedish quartet's frothy tunes were crafted to be insidiously catchy and to induce even people with two left feet to dance with delight.

2. THE B-52S

Beehive hairdos, cheap keyboards, new-wave minimalism and a friendly frontman who can't really sing (but he's a fun-inducing cheerleader) make them an unstoppable party band.

3. THE BEE GEES

Despite the beautiful brotherly harmonies, Barry Gibb's quivering lead voice sounded like he was starting a joke. And that was even before they went disco, the ultimate cheesy move.

4. THE CARPENTERS

One of their hits ("We've Only Just Begun") started out as a jingle for a bank, and all of their hits were soppily sentimental. But with her emotional alto, Karen Carpenter was a superstar.

5. CHER

With or without Sonny, she has packaged cheese more ways than Kraft: "Half Breed," the video for "If I Could Turn Back Time," the bagel boy, the wig for the "Believe" video, etc.

6. TOM JONES

The oldest male striptease artist who never has to shed his clothes, Sir Tom delivers "Kiss" and "What's New Pussycat" with bug-eyed irony as women toss undergarments at his feet. We laugh with him and at him.

7. DOLLY PARTON

There were some true country classics in her early repertoire but her cartoonish look, fluttering voice and pop hits have walked the line between camp and cheesy.

8. BRITNEY SPEARS

" ... Baby One More Time" is one terrific single. She laughed at herself with "Oops! I Did It Again" and made us dance to "Toxic." We fell for her hard-luck story, but her tabloid life has become a steady diet of Velveeta.

9. SPICE GIRLS

Silly nicknames, smart pop tunes and a glitzy girl-power aura made us love these diverse British birds.

10. ROD STEWART

We thought he was a great rocker until he asked "Da Ya Think I'm Sexy?" "Infatuation," his four collections of standards and his succession of young blondes have just added layers of cheesiness.

11. VILLAGE PEOPLE

Was it the kitschy costumes, the simple-as-nursery-rhyme songs or the fact that everyone from kindergartners to grandmas knows how to do the arm gestures for "Y.M.C.A."?

12. BARRY WHITE

We couldn't get enough of the world's deepest voice, the Love Unlimited Orchestra's luxurious arrangements and Barry's pillow-talk lyrics.

13. ZZ TOP

They've got long beards, hot rods and leggy chicks -- and they know how to use them.

Jon Bream • 612-673-1719