Fergie is ruining pop music

It'll be a Fergalicious day at the fair on Saturday, and we're hoping we don't lose our lunch-on-a-stick over it.

Fair organizers showed their business smarts by booking America's reigning pop princess but not their blue-ribbon artistic judgment. Fergie is a pop tart who leaves a sour taste in our mouths.

Her first solo album, "The Dutchess," has sold more than a million copies on the strength of a whopping four hit singles ("London Bridge,"Glamorous,"Fergalicious" and "Big Girls Don't Cry").

Now comes her first solo tour. Think we're being too harsh on this 32-year-old starlet? Here are the reasons we think the Black Eyed Peas singer has become a black eye on the music industry.

1. She has become pop-music's ultimate sell-out. She signed a $4 million contract to mention Candie's, the women's apparel line, in a song on her next album. What's next, the NASCAR look, with voluminous logos adorning her voluptuous outfits?

2. She's forcing Verizon cell phones on her young fans. The best seats on her tour went to Verizon subscribers, starting a trend that appears to be getting worse fast (i.e., Van Halen's fall tour pre-sale is through Nokia).

3. She spoiled the Black Eyed Peas. Once an innovative and hip hip-hop troupe, the Peas clearly lost their sense of direction when they found Fergie in 2003 and started dumbing down their rhymes to get the platinum party started.

4. Her lyrics are just plain idiotic. "My Humps" shows an obvious IQ slump ("My love, my love, my love, my love/ You love my lady lumps"). We're still trying to get over "London Bridge" ("How come every time you come around / My London London Bridge want to go down"). And then there's our favorite line in her current smash "Big Girls Don't Cry": "And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket."

5. She has no style, or at least none of her own. Much of her expensive street-wear look is copped from Gwen Stefani. The rest is keeping Britney Spears' old designers in business. We admire Madonna too much to blame her for any of Fergie's bad vogueing.

6. She can't spell. Her hit album is entitled "The Dutchess." This princess must be from the Netherlands because our dictionary spells it "duchess."

Jon Bream • 612-673-1719 Chris Riemenschneider 612-673-4658