Truth rarely hinders blurbs

Honesty. What a concept. Only in this crazy world would people be hailing a new list of rules announced by the Federal Trade Commission to require bloggers to tell the truth. Why is that something that had to be regulated? Aren't people inherently truthful? Stop laughing.

In particular, the FTC is concerned about bloggers who endorse a product and fail to mention that they have been paid to make the endorsement. The new rules also apply to celebrity endorsements.

"Celebrities have a duty to disclose their relationships with advertisers when making endorsements outside the context of traditional ads, such as on talk shows or in social media," according to an FTC statement.

The new rules, which take effect Dec. 1, are intended to educate bloggers, rather than punish them, so there are no penalties. However, they could lead to cease-and-desist orders and stiff fines for violating those orders.

I realize this grates at those of you who hate government intrusion of any kind, but I don't think the FTC went far enough.

In a perfect world, I would be appointed Federal Trade Commission czar, and I immediately would impose stringent rules for online movie reviewers. Jail time would be mandatory. It would do no good to fine these people, or garnish their wages, because most of them don't earn a paycheck. They sit in their basement and pretend to be professional movie reviewers.

Here is what full-disclosure movie ads would look like if I were in charge of the FTC:

"A sure-fire Oscar contender!"

Blogger: I usually don't even see these kinds of quality dramas. I'm more of a comic book geek, and I was hoping if the studio started to see me as a serious movie critic, they wouldn't forget me when they're handing out invitations to the private parties at Comic-Con next year.

"The first great comedy of the year!"

Blogger: I don't presently have a paying job, but I started this blog in hopes of fooling people into thinking I'm important. This isn't as easy as it sounds because the movie ads are full of quotes from people without real jobs.

"George Clooney has never been better!"

Blogger: If I write nice things about George Clooney, perhaps he'll invite me to his home on Lake Como in Italy. I'm one of those journalists who fantasize about being friends with movie stars.

"A masterpiece of epic proportions!"

Blogger: I'm in this for the free T-shirts. The studio has offered me free trips to say nice things about their movies, but I'm not interested. I have no integrity, but I do have a pretty neat T-shirt collection.

"Scintillating!"

Blogger: I don't know what "scintillating" means because I only have a third-grade education, but I saw it in another movie ad and thought it sounded cool.

"The best movie I've ever seen!"

Blogger: It's the best movie I ever saw because I'm only 12. I haven't seen that many movies. I'm sure if I saw more movies, I'd realize this one is a piece of junk. But I probably would say the same thing because I like seeing my name in the newspaper. People are stupid for paying for movies. I illegally download the movies and watch them on my cell phone.

"The roller-coaster ride of the summer!" *