Dear Mr. Smithee: I need a "No Country for Old Men for Dummies" movie review. I recently saw "No Country for Old Men" and I can truthfully say that I have no idea what the closing act was all about.

CAROLYN NAGLE, Decatur, Ga.

Dear Grasshopper: I know more than a few people who express that they were caught off guard by the abrupt ending in "No Country for Old Men." Fox News' Bill O'Reilly went so far during his segment's Oscar coverage to say that the film doesn't even have an ending.

Now, when it comes to movies, why would anyone in his or her more brilliant mind listen to him? He is the same Bill O'Reilly who, when informed that the late Heath Ledger is in this summer's Batman film "The Dark Knight," asked on camera whether Ledger portrayed Batman. He didn't appear to be joking either, pardon my pun.

How out of touch with today's main generation of moviegoers can someone be? "Dark Knight" is one of this year's most anticipated films -- and the Internet, TV, magazines, newspapers and more have contained countless references and images of Ledger as the Joker.

But you, Carolyn, are different. You humbly approach a movie master, seeking to learn the intricacies of one of the best films of 2007. I applaud you.

There are legions of movies where every minute detail is spelled out. Many excellent movies, however, leave much to the viewer's interpretation. There are characters in "No Country," for instance, with inconclusive fates.

There will be no spoiler blood here. But what you need to know, Carolyn, is that the film begins with narration from Tommy Lee Jones' character. That leads you to know that the movie is coming from his viewpoint. He speaks of evil doings in the world and the difficulty of countering them. He's wondering if humanity is declining.

I believe he learns that to survive, one sometimes must get out of the way. It's worth it to see the film again, ponder the title and listen hard to the speech in the final scene. This time you'll know it's coming. And you must determine what the words mean to you.

Otherwise, Grasshopper, you'll never understand art.

ALAN

P.S. You get a "The Brave One" rain slicker and an "Ask Alan Smithee" T-shirt.

Dear Mr. Smithee: I was curious, after I read your list of the best male actors in the past 10 years, how you would rate Gary Oldman, Edward Norton, Geoffrey Rush and Javier Bardem.

ANASTASIA ALLAIN, ATLANTA

Dear My Dear: Gary Oldman is a great actor whose best work so far was in the late 1980s and 1990s. Ed Norton's best work was in the 1990s. Ditto Geoffrey Rush.

Spain's Javier Bardem is -- finally -- being discovered by America. He was remarkable in "Before Night Falls" (2000) and even more remarkable in "The Sea Inside" (2004). With "No Country for Old Men," he's at last a household name here and, hopefully, his career won't go the way of Benicio Del Toro.

ALAN

P.S. You get an "Indiana Jones" artwork and an "Ask Alan Smithee" T-shirt.

Dear Mr. Smithee: Which movie or movies currently hold the record for longest-running time ever recorded for a film?

KEVIN MCCOY, NORCROSS, GA.

Dear Clockwatcher: Guinness World Records lists "The Cure for Insomnia" the longest at a running time of 87 hours. Its first screening was in Chicago in 1987. I have never seen it, and you shouldn't, either. It involves a guy reading an impossibly long poem and includes video clips from heavy metal music and pornography.

The longest film officially released is China's 27-hour-long serial "The Burning of the Red Lotus Temple."

The longest film I've ever seen is the nearly nine-hour "Shoah," describing the Holocaust in detail. It was worth every second.

ALAN

P.S. You get a "Juno" T-shirt and an "Ask Alan Smithee" T-shirt.

Is there really an Alan Smithee? That's one he won't answer. But he does allow that it's a name used for crediting purposes when directors want to disassociate themselves from a movie that, well, stinks. E-mail him at alansmithee@ajc.com. Include your name, city and daytime phone number.