Stuff that stocking with a little sass

Tradition says to put toys, fruit, candy and coins in Christmas stockings, but in the interest of touting the unexpected, we've come up with a few oddities to elicit a livelier response than "Thanks for the apple, Granny Smith."

Kids never outgrow a need for something sweet in their stocking, no matter what their age. Harry Potter fans can have Bertie Botts' Every Flavor Beans and cockroach clusters (www.candywarehouse.com, 1-626-480-0899). But if the kids have had their fill of Harry, gross 'em out with Toxic Waste Sour Candy, including the Nuclear Sludge Chew Bar and the Candy Spray and Dip and Lick Lollipop. Extraordinarily sour, the candy will have kids sucking in their cheeks or spitting it out pronto. Toxic Waste candies are available at Walgreens, Party City, Rue 21 and www.toxicwastecandy.com (1-888-400-7606).

Older kids will enjoy retro candies (www.candycrate.com or 1-866-422-6399), including wax lips, candy cigarettes, Fizzies, cinnamon toothpicks and Beeman's and Black Jack gum, all available in packages or by the pound.

The days when a couple of students could gather across a desk, fold a piece of paper into a triangle and play a game of tabletop football seem, well, quaint. Leave it to Fiki Sports to create a more official version complete with a plastic goalpost and leather football ($10 plus $4 shipping, www.fikisports.com, 1-310-225-3454, College Shop, Mall of America, 952-854-8350, and at selected Creative Kidstuff stores). The company also sells tabletop basketball, hockey and baseball games, all less than $9 each. The football game can be purchased with official logos of college and pro sports teams, including the Vikings or the Gophers.

Instead of slipping the notoriously violent Manhunt 2 videogame in a stocking, why not stoke the fires of controversy with a Colonel Sanders Bobblehead pen? Earlier this year, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals accused KFC of unspeakable treatment of chickens. In response, KFC established animal welfare guidelines for its vendors. PETA still wants more meaningful changes. The Col. Sanders Bobblehead pen (Item No. AT508, $7 plus shipping, 1-757-622-7382, ext. 8300, www.petacatalog.org) shows the colonel with a maniacal grin, a blood-splattered white suit and a knife sunk deep into a chicken's neck.

Arguably the best, most reasonably priced gift shop in the Twin Cities, Corazon does an excellent job of featuring work by local artists. The handpainted originals of cats are created as part of a series called "happy paintings" by Westy Copeland. Cats, dogs and heart images are painted in striking acrylics on 4-inch-square pieces of paper ($10). Copeland also paints wonderful images of birds that can be transferred onto jeans as a patch ($8). Shop either location in Minneapolis (204 Washington Av. N., 612-333-1662 or 4646 E. Lake St., Minneapolis, 612-276-0198).

The people at Totes have finally made an umbrella small enough that wiseacres can now say, "Is that an umbrella in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Yes, the Totes Jingle micro 'Brella ($20 retail, but only $8 at the outlet) is small enough to put in a Christmas stocking and at 53/4 inches long, small enough to stuff in a purse or pocket, yet it expands to full size. Available in 12 solid colors and seven prints, get it at Macy's, Sears, JCPenney, the Totes outlet (Albertville, 763-315-0260) and www.totes.com or 1-800-962-5600.

Skis, Roller Blades and Heelys prove that humans were meant to glide. Carpet is therefore the enemy. Until now. FunSlides Carpet Skates ($20, shipping included) fulfill the need to slide across indoor surfaces. The carpet slides, for ages 6 and older, emulate gliding in socks across a hardwood floor. They're available at Target, Shop in the City (Minneapolis, 612-825-2808) and www.funslides.com or 1-800-847-4683.

John Ewoldt • 612-673-7633 or jewoldt@startribune.com. His articles are online at www.startribune.com/dollars.