So you think you can't dance?

There are people who can dance -- and then there are the rest of us.

Maybe all those reality-TV dance shows have sparked your interest. Be warned, though: Looking bad on the dance floor is easy, while looking good is hard work.

With the year's busiest club night only five days away, it's time to update your moves. To help, we went to Madeline Howie, an avid clubber (and former go-go dancer) who has taught hip-hop at the St. Paul Conservatory for Performing Artists. We asked her to show us how not to look stupid on a dance floor.

To demonstrate this feat, we gave Howie, 28, a dance partner who wouldn't be caught dead in today's booty-shaking nightclubs.

The partner we picked for Howie is no slouch. John Munger is a 63-year-old dance professional who teaches modern technique at Zenon and dance history at St. Cloud State. He's also director of research and information at Dance/USA, the national service organization for performance dance.

Munger had a few tricks of his own to teach Howie. He was an avid clubgoer in the 1960s and 1970s. "We would just go wherever there was music," Munger said. "And you would just forget everything and go with the moment."

To watch these two dancers in action -- as they demonstrate the best and worst of club dancing -- go to the Star Tribune's website to watch a fun video.

As for these pages, Howie and Munger are going to show you the basic dos and don'ts of club dancing.

Howie has one caveat: "Regardless of what I or anybody else says, do what you want -- just own it," she said. "You can be wrong and strong, and it's still all good."

Moves that work

Since dance moves go out of style faster than the songs that spawned them, looking good in the club is more about creating your own combinations of movements.

Footwork: Most people (especially guys) don't like to move their feet, but the Step Touch technique is an easy move that'll give you instant rhythm. Move one foot to your side and let the other follow it. Repeat. Howie says: "If you're not sure what to do with your feet, do the Step Touch, as long as it doesn't look too much like step aerobics." A footwork dance that is a little more complex is the Heel Toe, where you pivot one foot on its heel and the other on its toe. Switch. Repeat.

Upper-body moves: Bad arm movements can make you look really stupid, so watch out. Howie has some age-old suggestions. First is Voguing -- put your own twist on '80s Madonna. Next, the shoulder-wiggling Shimmy, which is great for women, not the best for guys. And then there's the good ol' Jitter Bug: just wag your fingers and move side to side.

The Electric Slide: "I learned it at a wedding," Howie said. "Don't do it by yourself, but you can start it."

'Do not attempt' list

Howie said the following dances are definite no-nos:

"The Soulja Boy": The dance that accompanies the mega hit "Crank That (Soulja Boy)" has essentially become the hip-hop "Macarena." Its creator, Soulja Boy, even has an instructional video on YouTube with 39 million views(!). You basically hop around "cranking" the handle bars of a motorcycle. Howie's take: "Do not do this dance in the club. If the DJ plays this, he's wack."

Booty dances, or "dropping it like it's hot": "It's fine to add them into a series of moves, but when you drop and stay dropped -- that's not good," Howie says. "Don't make it all about the butt."

"The Dice Roll": An obscure club song called "Swing" got its own dance after Seth Rogen's character in "Knocked Up" shook invisible dice on the dance floor with Katherine Heigl.

"The Running Man": Duh. Nobody should do this anymore. Unless "Ice Ice Baby" comes on.

Moves worth updating

Munger, who likes to say "I'm 63 and I'm faster than most of my students," listed two dance moves that deserve a comeback:

Cha-cha-cha: Munger remembers the Latin-based ballroom dance surviving into his club years of the '60s and '70s. With its sexy hip movements, he said it might look good on today's dance floor -- "to a degree..."

The Hustle: The classic '70s disco dance has the steps and flair to keep up with any hip-hop dance. And like today's club dancing, it's all about attitude, Munger said: "When the disco thing started and they put the lights on the floor, the reason you went there ... was to be seen!"

Nothing's changed.