Theater

Curtain up I don't mind holding the curtain for five minutes, but any longer than that and you're rewarding tardy slackers and penalizing people who showed up on time.(G.R.)

Captive audience Cut out extended pre-show funding appeals and coming-attraction promos. Unless said come-ons are very clever -- or very brief -- they are very irritating. (K.T.)

Play without end Curtail the 2 1/2- to 3-hour productions unless every moment is truly spellbinding. Shortening doesn't have to mean dumbing down. It means realizing that audiences are time-strapped multi-taskers used to concentrated entertainment.(K.T.)

Intermission without end Unless you have more than 1,000 people eager for drinks and potty breaks, do away with intermissions that last more than 20 minutes. On with the show.(G.R.)

Oh, is that my phone? If it's your phone that's going off during a performance, deal with it. You're not fooling anyone by ignoring it and pretending it's not you. Now the healing can start.(G.R.)

Get your edge on There's always a temptation to retreat to the familiar in times of uncertainty. The edgy shows can seem scary. But, theater leaders and theatergoers, now is the time for courage and openness, for taking artistic risks. Please stop playing it safe. (R.P.)

Art

Trash can school No more urinals posing as sculptures. Ditto plastic vomit, unwashed dishes, dead birds, dirty laundry, leftover lunch, used condoms, soiled Tampax. Don't add a title to it and call it art. It's garbage. Toss it. (M.A.)

Music

Dumb and dumber Requesting a song? Equally annoying are the geeks who yell out a B-side from 1984 just to try to impress us and the morons who call for titles you already know are bound to be played, i.e. "Livin' on a Prayer" at a Bon Jovi show. You give rock a bad name. (C.R.)

Cage that "bird"  Yelling "Free-birrrrrd!" was funny for about 10 minutes in 1987, and then one more time a few years back when Built to Spill actually filled the request at First Ave with an awesome 10-minute version of the Skynyrd anthem. But never again. (C.R.)

Post it Why can't clubs post set times on their websites on the day of a multi-band show? We know the clubs want to sell drinks, but some people really don't want to spend three hours waiting for the headliner. (J.B.)

Let 1,000 cameras flash We understand not letting a person smuggle in a 400mm f/2.8 mega-lens, but your efforts to stop fans from taking so-so photos with their iPhones is a major distraction (and majorly dumb). This means you, Asia Security staffer who tried to eject me from the Orpheum for checking a Twins score on my Blackberry. (C.R.)

Guthrie shout-outs What is it about Minneapolis' most famous theater that induces music fans to think that it's OK to shout out comments to the star onstage as if you two were having a private conversation? (J.B.)

Avoid purple Out-of-town musicians should not mention Prince when they perform at First Avenue -- unless they cover one of his songs. (J.B.)

Bring on the beer Half the venues in town could put an end to endless lines by adding bartenders or opening extra beer stands on busy nights. Same time, anyone who ties up bartenders by ordering Candy Apple-Weenie-Tini cocktails at a rock show deserves to be pelted with Pabst cans. (C.R.)

Kill the filter  Why is it that so many concertgoers view the show through their cell phones or video cameras instead of just watching it with their own eyes? (J.B.)

Past bedtime Tween stars and "American Idol" champs should respect young fans (and their parents) and either eliminate the parade of opening acts or simply start the concert earlier. (J.B.)

Lil less Wayne Jay-Z told us that Auto-Tune is dead (and we wish it would be) and now could he please tell Lil Wayne to stop making so many guest appearances on singles by other artists? (J.B.)

Down in front! Not. Don't get mad and make a scene if the person in front of you won't sit down. Especially if that person paid $150-plus for the seat, he or she has the right not to use it. (C.R.)

Classical Music

White tie, why? Musicians should stop dressing like the liveried servants of a century ago. In 2010, there are few things more ludicrous, or more distancing, than an orchestra in white tie. I'm not advocating hoodies and shorts, but surely there's a middle way. (L.F.)

Cellophane terrorists Concertgoers, please stop unwrapping cellophane-encased candies/throat lozenges during concerts. I think of the perpetrators as cellophane terrorists. And unlike coughing, it's wholly avoidable: Many congenial confections are packaged in soft paper that can be removed silently.(L.F.)

Regarding the ovation ... Stop leaping to your feet at concerts just because others do. Reserve the standing ovation for something truly extraordinary. Excessive Ovation Syndrome is widespread, and seems to increase with ticket prices, as concertgoers try ever harder to convince themselves that they've gotten their money's worth. (L.F.)

Books

Death to the undead Please quit writing about vampires (and mummies and the undead and anything else that necessitates a jacket drawing of a pale-faced woman whose overly full lips are dripping with blood). (L.H.)

Perky and adorable and all about you? No, thanks. Enough with the perky memoirs. Yes, Elizabeth Gilbert, I mean you. And you, too, Ms. Mennonite in the Little Black Dress. And Julie (but not Julia). And all who substitute bon mots and glibness for introspection and depth. Help ease the glut of pluck. (L.H.)

Dance

Contra-textual Some performers ably integrate dance and text, but when the heavy breath of exertion swallows up the text -- or the subject is just downright dull -- it's better to let the body do the talking. (C.P.)

Getting naked So right or so wrong, depending on the context. A naked body dancing under the stage lights can be beautiful, vulnerable, powerful, funny, a potent political statement -- or utterly pointless if the reason behind ditching the costume is for shock value only. (C.P.)

Prop-heaviness Props have a role in dance works, but do they enhance the movement message or simply serve as a crutch? Some performers confidently captain a cluttered stage, but for most it's better to rely on just a few choice objects and leave the rest to the imagination. (C.P.)

TV and Radio

Beep! Bleep! Please stop running radio ads pumped up with sirens, honking and other sounds easily mistaken for actual road noises that make our hearts pound when we're driving. We're too busy juggling our Starbucks latte and cell phones to have to deal with additional distractions. (N.J.)

This just in Please stop using news crawls to emphasize what the speaker onscreen said just two seconds ago -- or is just about to say. Crawls are fine for football scores and updates on Paris Hilton's love life, but we don't need them as megaphones. (N.J.)

If it bleeds, it leads Please, local news directors, stop relying so heavily on minor fires and non-fatal shootings to lead your newscasts. Yes, we know you're understaffed and that live police-scene reports are easier to file than, say, investigative stories, but can you consider leading with something more relevant and juicy, like celebrity birthdays? (N.J.)

Speak up Please stop encouraging actors from mumbling their lines. Yes, our hearing isn't what it used to be, but with all the pumped-up music and sound effects, we're fairly certain only dogs can pick up all the dialogue. (N.J.)

nightlife

Hardy boys When did those overpriced Ed Hardy and Affliction T-shirts become the uniform of choice for buff male clubgoers? If the nincompoops on MTV's "Jersey Shore" are still wearing these rhinestoned, ridiculously patterned tees, don't you think it's time to retire yours? (T.H.)

(Un)happy hour Attention, bar owners. If your happy hour is from 4 to 6 p.m. (or worse: 3 to 5 p.m.), why even have happy hour? Most people work for a living, which means there's no way we're getting to those happy hours in time. (T.H.)

Faux mixology How many times have you ordered a $10 "crafted" cocktail only to have it taste like a liquefied Fruit Roll-up sprinkled with Pop Rocks? While true mixologists do exist in our little scene, every hot new bar claims to have a whole staff of virtuosos. (T.H.)

Costume detest Any costume party that doesn't happen on Oct. 31 had better be something special. Often they're not. ("Pimp and Ho" parties are so 2006.) Mostly, these shindigs are just excuses to get women into skimpy outfits -- and the ladies fall for it every time. (T.H.)

Service industry Unless you're buying a $200 bottle of vodka in VIP, the service in certain bars and clubs can be terrible. If these places treated their customers the way classy restaurants care for their diners, all would be right with the world. (T.H.)

CONTRIBUTORS

Kristin Tillotson (K.T.)

Graydon Royce (G.R.)

Mary Abbe (M.A.)

Jon Bream (J.B.)

Chris Riemenschneider (C.R.)

Larry Fuchsberg (L.F.)

Laurie Hertzel (L.H.)

Tom Horgen (T.H.)

Neal Justin (N.J.)

Caroline Palmer (C.P.)