How does "Grease" do it? This smart-mouthed confection consistently rallies faithful fans with a tart suite of songs and a story that is at best laughably vapid. The current national tour, which Hennepin Theatre Trust brought into the Orpheum this week, was whelped by Kathleen Marshall's Broadway production. For those keeping score at home, that's the staging in which Eagan's sweetheart, Laura Osnes, won the role of Sandy. It's also the one slaughtered by critics, who soon were trampled by patrons who made the show a smash hit.

The tour is touting Taylor Hicks, the "American Idol" silver fox whose career seems in perpetual startup mode. He performs the cameo role of Teen Angel, but will not be on the Minneapolis stage until Friday night. Whatever. I'm not seeing how his presence will boost this lackluster production. Emily Padgett (who has a little Paris Hilton in her face) sings Sandy with a lovely voice, but none of the honest emotion Osnes poured into the role. Eric Schneider is a limber Danny Zuko, limited in his performance only by his vocal range and his charisma. Allie Schulz's Rizzo manages to roar through "Look at Me, I'm Sandra Dee" without making an impression, and when David Ruffin's Kenicke pulls up in his hot wheels for "Greased Lightning," thank goodness for the lights and special effects. The sound mix was terrible Tuesday night, the voices -- with a few exceptions -- were unremarkable and the set design looked cheap. Marshall's original choreography rarely popped and on occasion felt so muddled in execution that whatever story was being told in the dance was lost. Perhaps the young cast was stunned into contemplation over how life had dumped them in Minneapolis on a night that was 8 below zero. Happy New Year, indeed.

Even the audience, predisposed to play along when Franki Valli's "Grease" opened the show, fell into a stupor by the time Kelly Felthous' Marty sang "Freddy My Love." Brian Crum's Doody and Will Blum's Roger, who carry the men's vocal section, do well with their respective solos, but those are fleeting moments. One of my companions said Tuesday that she felt Chanhassen Dinner Theatre's production of "Grease," two years ago, was better than what we'd just seen. Well stated. That show had heart.

It appears that no matter what you do with "Grease," that lovely and sweet story about teenage horniness and how a girl needs to turn into a slut to make it with 1950s greasers, it keeps bringing people back. I could understand if it's the music, but isn't that why they sell CDs?

Graydon Royce • 612-673-7299